- The Washington Times - Friday, January 2, 2009

Life in America lately feels a bit like the end of “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”: The recent past has been a rocky, sometimes terrifying ride, the future is uncertain, but perhaps the worst is behind us. Let’s check the crystal ball, shall we?

Michael Moore - The filmmaker-provocateur will make a scathing documentary about President Obama’s betrayal of left-wing progressive values. He’ll donate all profits to Detroit’s ailing automakers.

Oprah Winfrey - She’ll expose a best-selling memoir as a hoax. After being duped twice (by James Frey and, more recently, Herman Rosenblat), the lady is due.

Minnesota Senate race - The contest between incumbent Republican Sen. Norm Coleman and comedian Al Franken, a Democrat, will remain hopelessly deadlocked in various legal challenges and machinations. Gov. Tim Pawlenty will call the whole thing off and appoint Paul Westerberg instead.

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer - The couple will marry and immediately set about adopting a bevy of children from the Third World. Why let the dreaded Brangelina brood hog all the family fun?

Mike Huckabee - Bored by book tours and appearances on cable TV, the former presidential hopeful will land a slot playing bass in Guns N’ Roses - because the current occupant of the job, Tommy Stinson, will go to work for his old band mate, Sen. Westerberg.

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