- The Washington Times - Sunday, January 25, 2009

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My Marine boyfriend has dumped me. I’m pregnant and he says the baby is not his.

His friends have been lying about me and saying they all slept with me, too. This all happened because of one night when we were partying — and I’ll admit I had too much to drink — but I did not sleep with anyone. His friends are just trying to break us up.

My boyfriend is not my first boyfriend, and I’ve dated Marines in the past, but I never sleep with more than one guy at a time. I’m 24 years old, I’m a grown woman and I’m willing to own up to what I do. I’m having my baby and I will prove to him this is his baby.

He should be ashamed for walking out on me and his unborn child. He is not providing any support for me or his baby and has not called once and asked how we are doing. I have gone to every doctor’s visit by myself and now the state is taking care of us by giving me Medicaid.

He doesn’t realize this child could grow up to be the next president of America or someone great who will have an amazing impact on our world. He will be missing out on the good we both will do with our lives. I know I’m going to do something great with my life and it will be his loss. I could be the next millionaire in the making.

Ms. Vicki, will the military help me out until I can start working? Will they make him pay me any support right now? I just don’t think it’s fair for him to walk away without having any responsibility. — Marine is No Gentleman

Dear No Gentleman,

Well, first things first. You have to stop sleeping with every guy who gives you a compliment. That’s no way to have a positive impact on our world, is it?

When I spoke to you about your situation, you said you have low self-esteem, and that’s something you must start working on. You told me why you think you confuse sex with love, and you asked that I not make those reasons public, so I won’t. This is a new year, however, and it’s time you started to work on those issues.

It’s time for you to stop running from man to man looking for love. You really don’t want to raise your child like this. It’s time for you to start loving yourself. I’m sure you are a great young woman who can accomplish some great things and leave a positive mark on society. I truly believe life is about ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

I think you need some intensive counseling to help you move forward from your past experiences. I’m not familiar with any counselors who will accept Medicaid, but I will check for you and see who I can find. In the meantime, visit your local library or a bookstore for books in the self-help section dealing with self-esteem, etc. Your local community college should be able to provide you with information about completing your GED. Most importantly, you need to start focusing on your child. Your child deserves an emotionally healthy mother who will put him or her first.

Lastly, regarding your question about the military helping you, please keep in mind that the military is not a social service agency. I don’t think there is much you can do to get support from your ex-boyfriend until the child is born and paternity is proven.

In the meantime, please take care of yourself and your child. Let me know how you are doing.

Vicki Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker, military spouse and mother of three. Her Dear Ms. Vicki column runs in The Washington Times on Thursdays and Sundays. Contact her at [email protected]

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