- The Washington Times - Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

After spending decades as an actor (in between getting sloshed) I’ve finally earned one of the greatest honors in my field - an Oscar nomination. Now that I’ve done what I could in acting, I’m thinking of taking on something new. I was nominated for playing the title character in “The Wrestler,” and I’m mulling over the idea of becoming one in real life.

I’ve been talking to WWE honcho Vince McMahon about bringing my character, Randy “The Ram” Robinson, to WrestleMania. I told top wrestler Chris Jericho I’m coming after him. I got in great shape for the role, so I’m confident I could take the guy. And I’m getting good at the testosterone-fueled trash talk.

Playing a wrestler has resurrected my career. Do you think actually being one could take it to the next level?

- Mickey Rourke

Dear Mickey,

When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly most mistaken, giving views to passion without that proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities.

- David Hume

I went through one of the most acrimonious divorces of recent history. My now-ex-wife, Heather Mills, even dumped a jug of water on the head of my solicitor in the courtroom after she realized she wasn’t getting as much money as she wanted. So some might be surprised to discover I’m considering marrying again.

My new woman, though, is much closer to my age than my last wife. I also know she’s not a gold digger - she has money of her own. My kids love her, and they certainly didn’t love my last wife. Am I right in thinking these qualities should ensure a happier marriage? Then again, I had no idea what kind of woman I was marrying the last time.

- Paul McCartney

Dear Paul,

He loves his bonds, who, when the first are broke, Submits his neck unto a second yoke.

- Robert Herrick

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