- The Washington Times - Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I’ll be point blank. I met and fell in love with the man of my dreams while my husband was deployed. I’ve read some of your past advice and I know you won’t agree with me, but this is love.

This man wines and dines me, has paid off several of my bills, including those of my husband. He is very good to my children and they love him, too. With him, I won’t have to cope with long deployments anymore because this man has the common sense to have a career that’s family friendly.

My problem is my husband says he will not give me a divorce. He is mad that I moved from post and relocated to be near my new boyfriend. My husband wants to fight him, not only because he knows I am sleeping with him, but because the children interact with him, too. To me, that’s my husband’s problem.

How can I convince my husband to move on with his great life in the military and give me a divorce? I don’t want him anymore! — I Want a Divorce!

Dear Divorce,

You may discover the grass is not greener on the other side; on the other hand, it may always be greener to you. You are enthusiastic about being wined and dined and the part about your new guy paying off your bills as well — he sounds tempting. It brings me back to the old adage, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”

Listen, Divorce, you cheated on your husband, who was away fighting for his country. You’ve involved your children in the mess, which I disagree with totally.

It amazes me that you can’t believe your husband disagrees with your actions. What are you expecting from him, a card congratulating you? Get a clue!

I am the first one to say marriage is tough, and it’s not for the faint at heart. It sounds like you were looking for someone to take care of you, provide housing and a brown ID card. You found a soldier the first time, now you’ve found another clueless victim.

He may have more money, but he won’t after being with you. You are an opportunist. I’m not sure how to convince your husband to give you a divorce. Maybe he’ll read this and realize you are a lost cause.

Reader responses:

• Dear Ms. Vicki, I wanted to let you and other readers know that everyone can endure long deployments. For me, I think I’m doing OK because I try to stay busy and active.

I don’t have a paid job, but I volunteer at my kid’s school two days a week. I also am doing different things around the house like stenciling and other crafts to beautify my home so it can be a surprise when my husband comes home.

Since I am a long way from home, my friends and I have potluck dinners at least once a week. I would like to encourage all spouses to get involved with activities on post and in other communities during the deployment.

All of this does not stop me from missing my husband, but it helps the time go by faster. — Staying Busy

• Ms. Vicki, many of these trifling wives are pretending to be sick so their husband won’t have to deploy! This is so wrong. What does it say about loyal women like me who have sacrificed through four deployments? I don’t like it either, not one bit. I pray every day for these conflicts to be over. I don’t really believe in the missions and don’t think these wars should have ever happened. But I don’t lie and pretend to be sick just so I can keep my husband home. These women should man up and face the music like everyone else! — Don’t Like It But Dealing With It

Vicki Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker, military spouse and mother of three. Her column runs in The Washington Times on Thursdays and Sundays. Contact her at dearmsvicki@yahoo.com.

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