- The Washington Times - Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

I’m just trying to do the best for my children, but people are constantly criticizing me for it.

I have 14 children to raise. It’s going to cost a lot of money. I’m too busy taking care of them to get a real job, so I’ve taken advantage of the only cash source I could find - publicizing my kids. I’ve signed up to do a reality show about the family. The kids will get about $250,000 over three years for it. Sure, they’ll lose their privacy. And yes, those embarrassing moments all parents photograph will now be on TV for the world to see. But don’t you think providing them with the material things they need makes up for it? I think they’ll appreciate it when they get older.

- Nadya Suleman

Dear Nadya,

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them.

- Oscar Wilde

I thought I had the coolest gig - personal doctor to the King of Pop. Now I’m under investigation for manslaughter.

Authorities have said they think I gave Michael Jackson a drug that ended up killing him. I’m not a murderer, though! I’m just a physician who was trying to do my job. How can anyone possibly think an upstanding citizen like myself could have murdered someone? I’m getting really tired of people - especially his father - throwing that word around.

- Conrad Murray

Dear Conrad,

Murder is not the crime of criminals, but that of law-abiding citizens.

- Emmanuel Teney

I’ve had a long-standing feud with my daughter, Tori. We’ve been estranged for a while. I think it actually started before I accused her of killing her dad, Aaron, by breaking his heart, but I can’t quite remember.

People thought the feud might finally come to an end after she invited me to her daughter’s first birthday party. I’ve never even met my granddaughter! But I decided to decline the invitation - because the party is going to be filmed for her reality show.

I let her know my reasons in an open letter - addressed not to her, but to tabloid Web site TMZ. Well, I sent it there, but addressed it to “middle-aged reality show stars (like my daughter).” I just wanted to make sure she saw it, you know? Now it seems we’re at an impasse. Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

- Candy Spelling

Dear Candy,

Fathers and sons are much more considerate of one another than mothers and daughters.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

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