- The Washington Times - Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

It’s official - we’re divorcing. It seems most of America saw this coming. Our faces have been on the covers of the tabloids every week lately. We’ve tried to be really careful in what we’ve revealed, though; we don’t want to lose our lucrative reality show. Well, Jon hasn’t dealt with the fame too well, but we both realize how much it’s done for our family - a million-dollar home, trips and other goodies. Kate is even an author now. Fame has really been great for our eight kids, mostly girls - except the fact it might have helped cause our marriage breakdown. So why is everyone criticizing us for putting our family on display?

- Jon and Kate Gosselin

Dear Jon and Kate,

Fame is rot; daughters are the thing.

- J. M. Barrie

People are so mean to me. Just because I run a nasty celebrity-obsessed Web site, people think they have the right to yell at me in public. I was at a club in Toronto, and members of the Black Eyed Peas started asking me what I have against them. The nerve! The fight got violent - I filed a police report accusing the band’s manager of assaulting me.

I don’t see why it had to be this way. Can’t people be kind to one another - at least in person, when they’re not behind a computer?

- Perez Hilton

Dear Perez,

Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.

- Joseph Joubert

That was a close one. I was charged with felony assault and making criminal threats - and could have been sentenced to almost five years in prison. Instead, I pleaded guilty to just the first charge and am getting off nearly scot-free. I got probation and a bit of community service - you know, helping out in church, that kind of thing.

I’m kind of surprised I got such a light sentence. I beat up my then-girlfriend Rihanna pretty bad - you probably saw the pictures online. Is there any way I can continue to cultivate this luck? It’s clearly what I need to get by in this crazy world.

- Chris Brown

Dear Chris,

Luck never made a man wise.

- Seneca

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