- The Washington Times - Sunday, May 31, 2009

What a bummer. Rachel Alexandra, the first filly to win the Preakness in 85 years, won’t be running in the Belmont.

She can’t make it that day, I hear, because she’s having a face peel.

•••

This clears the way for Calvin Borel, the two-timing jockey, to return to Mine That Bird. You know, the more I think about Borel, the more he reminds me of Bill Paxton in “Big Love.”

•••

Rachel Alexandra has already been offered a TV show, apparently. Fox wants her to be one of the judges in an “American Idol” spinoff - “American Bridle.”

•••

Joe Torre thinks Manny Ramirez should skip the All-Star Game if he’s voted in by fans.

Sounds good to me. I just wonder what excuse Manny is supposed to give. I mean, after lounging around the house for two months while on drug suspension, it’s not like he can say he wants to spend more time with his family.

•••

At any rate, there are plenty of players on the National League ballot who are more deserving than Ramirez.

… And then there’s Lastings Milledge, who has already been farmed out to Syracuse by the Nationals (and recently broke a finger trying to bunt).

•••

Turning to hockey, the Capitals might play in the Winter Classic next season against the Bruins at Fenway Park. I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait to see Alex Ovechkin check somebody against the Green Monster.

•••

(Insert your own joke about Ted Williams’ frozen head here.)

•••

According to the Boston Globe, one option is to position the rink diagonally across the infield, with the center faceoff circle in the vicinity of second base. Memo to Simeon Varlamov: Watch out for the bad hops. Edgar Renteria, during his brief, tortured tenure as the Red Sox shortstop, always insisted it was one of the worst infields in baseball.

•••

Instead of having a penalty box, maybe they could send players to that little bathroom Manny sometimes availed himself of in the left-field scoreboard.

•••

The game, by the way, is scheduled for Jan. 1, 2010, which could pose a problem if the World Series runs long.

•••

Stat of the Week (from Bloomberg.com): “Hockey’s regular-season attendance of 21.48 million almost matched the National Basketball Association’s 21.55 million.”

•••

If that rich Canadian ever gets his hands on the Coyotes and moves them to Ontario, he’s gotta change the team’s name, right?

Here’s one vote for Caribou - just so the play-by-play man can say, “They’re not saying boo, they’re saying…”

•••

My take on the Cavaliers’ ongoing ownership discussions:

If a movie called “The Fortune Cookie” can be set in Cleveland, then a group of Chinese investors can certainly buy a piece of the Cavs.

•••

What, you’ve never seen “The Fortune Cookie” (MGM, 1966)? Brief plot summary: A TV cameraman gets run over on the sideline by a Browns punt returner, and his brother-in-law, a slimy lawyer, talks him into feigning serious injury so he can collect a huge insurance settlement. Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau (who won the Oscar for best supporting actor) have never been better - and writer-director Billy Wilder is also at the top of his game.

Scene in a hospital:

Matthau: “Hate to break it to you, but you got a spinal injury.”

Lemmon: “What?”

Matthau: “Your left leg is numb… and you got no feeling in the first three fingers of your right hand.”

Lemmon: “You’re crazy. I can move my hand and my leg.”

Matthau: “Sure you can - if you wanna blow a million bucks.”

•••

Don’t walk, RUN to your nearest Blockbuster and rent this film! (You’ll find it the Comedies for Geezers section.)

•••

Meanwhile, back at the Sunday Column…

Speaking of the Cavaliers, am I the only one who thinks Zydrunas Ilgauskas looks like the love child of David Falk and the 50-Foot Woman?

•••

This Richard Thomas guy down in Florida, the one who claims to have supplied steroids to Caps and Nats players, I’m not sure how believable he is. Just curious: Did he also tell police that he starred as John-Boy on “The Waltons”?

•••

Nobody should be surprised that Eddie Jordan is headed up I-95 to take over in Philadelphia. Do you realize he’s the FOURTH Wizards/Bullets coach who, at some point in his career, has also coached the 76ers? How many of the other four can you name? (Answer below.)

•••

News item: Delaware’s Supreme Court gives the state the go-ahead to start a sports betting lottery.

Comment: Boy, Wilmington will never get an NFL franchise now.

•••

Answer to trivia question: The other three Wizards/Bullets coaches who also coached the 76ers are Gene Shue (two stints with the Bullets, one with Philadelphia), Kevin Loughery and Jim Lynam. Then there’s Paul Seymour, who coached the Syracuse Nationals before they moved to Philly and became the Sixers - and coached the Bullets during the 1965-66 season.

•••

Incredible story out of Atlantic City. A grandmother who claimed to have played craps only once before rolled 154 consecutive passes, believed to be the longest such streak in history.

Just call her the DiMaggio of Dice.

•••

I can’t believe the casino boss didn’t send William H. Macy over to cool her off.

•••

The pair of dice the granny used was last seen in the backseat of a car, taking a one-way trip to the Jersey swamps.

•••

And finally…

A hundred and fifty-four straight passes. Or to put it another way:

I went to a craps table, and a Texas Tech football game broke out.


Copyright © 2018 The Washington Times, LLC. Click here for reprint permission.

The Washington Times Comment Policy

The Washington Times welcomes your comments on Spot.im, our third-party provider. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.

 

Click to Read More and View Comments

Click to Hide