- The Washington Times - Sunday, November 15, 2009

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I joined the Army about three years ago without my family knowing. My parents were furious, although now they are very proud of me and what I’ve done. I read your column faithfully, Ms. Vicki, and believe it or not, I have no complaints about the military.

Everyone kept telling me I would end up in Iraq or Afghanistan. Well, I’ve been there and done that many times now and I’m doing fine. I think I could volunteer to go back, but I know I will be sent there soon enough. I love the Army and my job. I am with a great company of highly qualified people.

Ms. Vicki, I need to know what I should do about my crazy boyfriend whom I love very much. We were high school sweethearts. He was the football star, and I just knew we were meant to be together forever. I just knew we would be married by now.

Well, I’ve changed and matured, but he is still stuck in a rut with his small-town Oklahoma-boy thinking. His only aspiration is to take over his father’s farm, which barely stays afloat.

If he knows so much about farming, then why can’t he use that knowledge to help the business grow now? Why does he have to wait until his father dies or gets sick and can’t work? That’s just a thought I have from time to time.

He is 25 years old and still lives with his parents. I’ve been around the country five times by now. He hasn’t said he wants to marry me, but he keeps saying he wants kids. I’m not pregnant Ms. Vicki, but we are sexually active. We both use protection because there is no way I’m ready to be a mother.

Yes, I love him, but he has not been as supportive as he should, mainly because he is afraid to fly. Instead, he drives thousands of miles to come see me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but he’s my boyfriend just the same. I truly wish he would be more complimentary of my accomplishments and more supportive. He doesn’t think life exists outside Oklahoma, and he doesn’t like D.C. at all. He says it’s too big for him, even though when he comes to visit we have a great time.

My enlistment is up in a year, and I think I would like to stay in the Army and perhaps apply to officer candidate school (OCS). I will be finished with my degree soon. You make the call, Ms. Vicki. Have I outgrown this relationship? — Oklahoma in My Heart

Dear Oklahoma,

You believe you made a great decision to join the Army and you’ve been doing a great job. I’m very proud of you. Plus, you’re continuing with higher education. You go girl! I think you should apply to OCS, and I wish you the best with getting accepted.

Regarding your boyfriend; well, he’s interesting. He wants children, huh? Beyonce has a song that advises: “If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.” In other words, he wants to play around, but he doesn’t want to marry you.

Well, I won’t tell you to kick him to the curb, but I don’t think you should pass up a great guy in the process. There are many out there who will love, appreciate and be very supportive of you.

He is still acting like a boy, and it appears that you are maturing into a wonderful young woman with a wide variety of goals and aspirations. You deserve someone who can grow with you and be supportive, too. He is not in high school anymore.

Stay focused on your future and your career. Don’t make any decisions based upon this relationship; you may regret it later.

Thank you for serving your country and making our world safer for me and others. Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

Vicki Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker, military spouse and mother of three. Her column runs in The Washington Times on Thursdays and Sundays. Contact her at [email protected]

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