- The Washington Times - Sunday, September 27, 2009

At Binghamton, the star point guard gets charged with selling cocaine. At Kansas, the basketball and football teams brawl over drafting rights to the university’s females.

Somebody should tell these bozos that just because they’re working toward their diplomas doesn’t mean they’ve got diplomatic immunity.

•••

Forget grade-point averages. I’d like to know which athletic program leads the NCAA in Persons of Interest.

•••

“Brothers,” the comedy starring erstwhile New York Giant Michael Strahan, premiered on Fox the other night. I didn’t catch any of it, but I hear it’s about two front teeth that are separated at birth.

•••

There’s gotta be some kind of connection between these two stories involving the Cleveland Browns.

Story No. 1 (subtitle: “H2 - Oh!”): Coach Eric Mangini fines a player $1,701 for not paying the $3 he owed for a bottle of water when he checked out of the team hotel.

Story No. 2 (subtitle: “The Ice Man Cometh”): Rookie Coye Francies, soaking wet from an apparent prank, storms into the locker room at the club’s practice facility and throws a bucket of ice and at least one punch (which, mercifully, missed).

•••

I don’t suppose it would have helped any if somebody had told Francies to, well, chill out.

•••

Imagine: $1,701 for a bottle of water.

Makes you wonder what the fine would have been if the player had downed a magnum of Dom Perignon.

•••

This never would have happened, I’m convinced, if the Brown In Question had left a decent tip for the chambermaid.

(Doesn’t the NFL teach them anything at those rookie symposiums?)

•••

Mangini just got fined $25,000 himself for failing - as coach of the Jets last season - to disclose Brett Favre’s biceps injury. Assuming my math is correct, that means Favre’s right biceps is worth 14.7 bottles of water.

•••

I’m not trying to make excuses for 49ers holdout Michael Crabtree, I’m really not. But how would you like to know, from the moment you were drafted, that you’d probably never hold a team receiving record, never mind a league one (thanks to the incomparable Jerry Rice)?

•••

The Guinness World Records folks will be at Cowboys Stadium this week to certify the two humongous video boards as the biggest in the world.

Jerry Jones is already in the Guinness book, of course, for being the only owner in league history to hire a coach who had the same first name as the commissioner’s wife (Chan Gailey/Chan Tagliabue).

•••

Wonderful nostalgia piece last week by Dave Seminara of the New York Times on the 25th anniversary of the longest rally in professional tennis history.

For the record, it took place Sept. 24, 1984, in a women’s tournament at the Raintree Swim and Racquet Club in Richmond. The principals were Vicki Nelson, who ultimately won the point, and Jean Hepner. The specifics:

Length of rally: 643 shots (29 minutes).

Length of match: 6 hours, 31 minutes - still the longest ever completed in a single day, Seminara reports. The scores were 6-4, 7-6 (11). That’s right, it didn’t even go three sets. The second-set tiebreaker alone lasted 1:47.

“Even now, just thinking about it, my stomach is starting to hurt,” Hepner told the Times.

•••

Add Wayne Gretzky to the list of all-time greats who were much more successful in a uniform than in an Armani suit.

•••

Who am I?

Only two players, Tiger Woods (13) and Steve Stricker (10), have more top 10s on the PGA Tour this year than my nine. I’ve also tied for 11th twice. And yet I qualified for just one major - the PGA, where I finished tied for 43. (Answer below.)

•••

My 19-year-old reports: “In the 14 rounds since losing to Y.E. Yang in the PGA [not counting Saturday’s third round of the Tour Championship], Tiger has outplayed him by 62 strokes.”

To put this in perspective, Tiger played his final 18 holes in the Deutsche Bank in 63 strokes.

•••

One more from The Kid: “Paddy Harrington has shot at least 3 under in his last six opening rounds for an average score of 66.8. He hasn’t won any of those events, though.

“Tiger had a similar streak to close out 2006 where he opened 67-66-69-67-66-63 (average: 66.3). The difference? He won every single one of those tournaments. That’s the only time in his career he’s had six straight opening rounds of 3 under or better. (His streak, which carried over into the next year, actually reached eight.)

“Conclusion: This run of Paddy’s is pretty incredible, but it’s even more incredible that he hasn’t gotten a victory out of it.”

•••

Speaking of Tiger, he and Harrington have been paired so often lately that they’ve probably set a Tour mark for Longest Running Nassau.

•••

Answer to trivia question: Kevin Na.

•••

Yes, Kevin Na.

•••

Turning to hoops, it just dawned on me: Luol Deng isn’t the first Luol to play in the NBA. The first, if I’m not mistaken, was Lew Alcindor with the Bucks in 1969.

•••

It’ll take a while to get used to the idea of a Russian owning the New Jersey Nets. But then, it took a while to learn how to spell Sarunas Marciulionis’ name.

•••

Wouldn’t it be classic if Mikhail Prokhorov, the aforementioned tycoon, hired Doug Collins to be his coach? Collins, after all, would have scored the winning points against the Soviets in the ‘72 Olympic final if… oh, you know.

•••

And finally…

Sixteen years after their first fight, Roy Jones and Bernard Hopkins will meet again early next year - provided Jones wins his next bout against Australian cruiserweight Danny Green.

Sixteen years? Heck, it only took 10 for Robert Wagner to get back together with Natalie Wood.

Copyright © 2019 The Washington Times, LLC. Click here for reprint permission.

The Washington Times Comment Policy

The Washington Times welcomes your comments on Spot.im, our third-party provider. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.

 

Click to Read More and View Comments

Click to Hide