- - Friday, July 9, 2010

In a world increasingly hellbent on abandoning logic and the ensuing escalation of Obama madness, it is clearly time for the maximum celebration of the good old, always reliable Uncle Ted crowbar of logic.

I am ThumpMaster, hear me roar.

In the otherwise universally recognized perfection of the American experiment in self-government, where evil monsters like Che Guevara and Mao Zedong are routinely worshipped by the very imbeciles that these historical murderers would have slaughtered unhesitatingly, to a community-organizer-in-chief whose terminal rookie agenda is maniacally to spend our way out of debt and drop charges against clear and present criminal New Black Panther thugs threatening voters in Philadelphia, to black-robed idiots claiming Americans have no right to self-defense, where pimps, whores and welfare brats party hearty with the mindless fantasy that Fedzilla will wipe their butts eternally, ad nauseam - I am compelled to increase my crowbar swinging to new heights every day. I am the steel ballerina. Let’s dance.

It is not good enough simply to spotlight cockroaches: Ultimately, all caring people must always rally to the requisite stomping party. For us varmint hunters, these are truly the good old days of a target-rich environment with no bag limit. Let the stomping increase to a furious frenzy and cacophony of good over evil. May America create the splat heard round the world. My steel-toed boots are giddy with anticipatory delight. Stomp on into a voting booth near you.

Since the 1960s LSD-inspired goofiness of peace and love, I have always been convinced that the gun-control issue has been the tip of the culture-war spear. Why the peaceniks still deny the truth that more guns equal less crime, in spite of the tsunami of global evidence from every imaginable source, is one of mankind’s greatest mysteries.

From the Nazi gun-banner’s dream of herding 6 million defenseless Jews onto the death trains to the no-guns-or-gunpowder-allowed IRA bombings and shoot-‘em-ups in Bono’s Ireland to Idi Amin’s unstoppable slaughter of unarmed victims in Uganda, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley still fails to grasp the self-evident truth that gun bans and preposterous buyback programs are just the stuff of gangbangers’ dreams. Who doesn’t get this stuff? Liberal, dopey denial cultists, that’s who.

The blindly obedient Canadian radio host I recently “debated” on his show once again completely failed to grasp how Canadians are trusted with blowtorches, chain saws, hatchets, wood chippers, bulldozers, coping saws, welders, front loaders, razor-sharp grain sickles and large diesel trucks, but not with wonderfully designed, perfectly safe and utilitarian handguns.

He resisted with every sheeplike fiber of his being the fact that the drug wars and biker wars in Toronto were not obeying the draconian, ultralaughable C68 gun law in his fine country. What the insane C68 has accomplished so far has been to waste approximately $6 billion in tax dollars and inefficiently register a bunch of farmers’ goose guns. Phenomenally stupid.

More phenomenally stupid is the whole world’s denial of the plethora of statistics proven in John Lott’s book “More Guns, Less Crime,” in which the desirable condition of safer streets and communities with drastically reduced violent crime is accomplished most readily where more citizens not only have access to firearms but actually carry them daily on their persons.

From the ultrasafe streets of Switzerland, where every household has a real, honest-to-God full-auto-assault rifle and ammo on hand (and a proud national respect for their fellow citizens, mind you) to the multitude of jurisdictions across America where more concealed weapons per capita are issued, violent crime not only plummets, but personal-assault crimes such as rape, carjacking and armed robbery actually disappear in many instances.

Could I please hear from someone who actually prefers Mr. Daley’s gun-ban slaughter zones to the safe streets of armed America? You’ve got to be kidding me.

The line drawn in the American sand is very unfortunate, at times rather heartbreaking, but as long as there are people who insist on demanding policies that guarantee the continued slaughter of innocent lives, those of us who cherish life, liberty and the safe pursuit of happiness and good over paroled evil must not only stand strong and unmovable on our side of the self-defense line but also fight diligently either to educate the soulless and brain-dead among us or to eliminate them from the debate at the voting booth.

Some things, like life, are indeed sacred, and where gun control freaks have their way, innocent lives will always pay the ultimate price. Gun-free zones are a murderer’s playgrounds. People who value life must do all we can to ban gun-free zones. Join the NRA.

Ted Nugent is an unstoppable American rock ‘n’ roll, sporting and political activist icon. He is author of “Ted, White & Blue: The Nugent Manifesto” and “God, Guns and Rock ‘N’ Roll” (Regnery Publishing).

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