In the greatest showdown in the history of American politics, it’s Spartacus vs. the Colonialist!
It will be a cage fight to the death. Only one gladiator will exit the ring. There will be just one survivor on the island in a sea of blood!
Finally, some good news for American popcorn farmers.
Best of all: everyone watching already knows who is going to win.
SPOILER ALERT: It’s not Spartacus.
The true victor will surely be the Notorious ACB — Amy Coney Barrett, in the black robe, wearing colonial garb.
The Holy Roman Senator Cory Booker — AKA “Spartacus” in the tinfoil helmet with the plastic sword — will be crushed under the weight of his own hubris, stupidity and gargantuan self-regard.
As ex-President Barack Obama’s cranky old preacher might say, Democrats’ chickens are coming home to roost!
Long before Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg became “Notorious RBG,” Democrats in the U.S. Senate began digging the trenches of this cruel battlefield on which they will surely die before the next election.
In 1987, it was Robert H. Bork, nominated to the nation’s highest court by President Reagan, who was a gentleman. Democrats held all the advantages in that fight because instead of a gentleman, they had Sen. Ted Kennedy, a slovenly drunk menace to women.
Before the sun set, Mr. Kennedy strode to the well of the Senate to accuse Judge Bork of murdering women by denying them abortions — a darkly ironic slur given Mr. Kennedy’s own sick history when it came to women.
Little more than a decade later came Miguel Estrada, a superlative jurist nominated by President George W. Bush to the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals — a frequent stepping stone to the Supreme Court.
Democrats, led by present-day Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and Minority Whip Dick Durbin, didn’t like Mr. Estrada and blocked his nomination because, their staffers said, he was “Latino.” You know, “especially dangerous.”
With each federal cours cage fight, Democrats got more and more unhinged from humanity. More dishonest. More ridiculous.
Then came Brett Kavanaugh, also known as “Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Or, as the kids say today, “lol.” And “sorry, not sorry.”
But Brett Kavanaugh did not become Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh “irl” until AFTER the dirty vermin in the United States Senate accused him of gang rape, drugging unsuspecting girls and — crime of all crimes — throwing ice at somebody in college.
As disgusting as the constant character assassinations were, there is method to the madness. All of the putrid, roadkill, maggot-eating political tactics are designed to ensure that no decent, honest or honorable person EVER steps forward to serve on the federal judiciary.
Democrats can’t peddle their sick policies anywhere. So their only hope is to install dishonest and unprincipled lawyers to the federal bench in hopes of getting their crazy agenda through that way.
And then along comes the great legal mind Amy Coney Barrett, a working mother of seven children, a devout Catholic.
How could they possibly smear this woman? What’s that? Oh, I see.
They say she is a “colonialist.” Because she and her husband adopted two children. From Haiti.
Good luck, Spartacus.
• Charles Hurt is opinion editor of The Washington Times. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or @charleshurt on Twitter.