Beer and sports, so happy together

To the list of life’s great philosophical head scratchers — the chicken and the egg, the sound of one hand clapping, the green lighting of an “Emeril!” sitcom — add the following: Is drinking beer an excuse to watch sports?

Or is watching sports an excuse to drink beer?

“That’s a tough one,” says Kevin Grace, a University of Cincinnati professor and an expert on the history of beer and baseball. “That sort of sounds like a Zen proposition. I don’t know. I think each of us has to reach enlightenment on our own.”

Beer and sports. Sports and beer. From the bleachers to the couch, from six-packs to the Philadelphia 76ers’ in-arena brewery, the two go together like summer and sunscreen. Popcorn and cinema. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez — who, in the manner of countless Hollywood couples before them, will undoubtedly grow old and fat together. Well, maybe not fat.

Still, in an athletic world in which stadiums are named for beer barons and even the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association has an official brew, the question remains: Why suds? Why sports?

Why … Bud Bowl I-IV?

(And no, “tastes great” won’t do. Nor will “less filling.” But thanks.)

“I don’t need an excuse to drink beer,” says Julie Bradford, editor of All About Beer magazine. “But with sports, it’s a question of pacing. These are long spectator occasions. You don’t want something strong that’s going to render you, um, incapable of appreciating the whole of the game. Wine will get you in trouble, and spirits even more so. Although I hear the Kentucky Derby is pretty fun.”

True enough. But a bit lacking, ontologically speaking. If enlightenment is our goal — well, that and a generous buzz — then let us begin at the temple of sports and suds: The ballpark. Or, for our purposes, Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

Take me out to the beer game

With its cozy, retro-inspired design, Baltimore’s beloved stadium is one of baseball’s finest. More to the point, it’s also a red-brick monument to malted refreshment, a suds delivery system to rival the venerable beer bong.

Along the open-air concourse, snack stations serve brew on tap. So does Boog’s famous barbecue grill — even though a dedicated beer stand offering bottles and cans rests some 20 feet away. Behind the food counters, only four entities are honored with neon signs. One is the Orioles. The others are Bud, Miller and Coors. Champions all.

In the stands, a small army of vendors (60 to 70 people, about half serving suds on a warm day) ensures that if you can’t come to the brew, the brew will come to you. According to vending supervisor Bruce Thompson, an industrious vendor can earn as much as $20,000 in a single season. Which, without even doing the tedious math, equals a whole lot of suds.

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