Beer and sports, so happy together

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To the list of life's great philosophical head scratchers -- the chicken and the egg, the sound of one hand clapping, the green lighting of an "Emeril!" sitcom -- add the following: Is drinking beer an excuse to watch sports?

Or is watching sports an excuse to drink beer?

"That's a tough one," says Kevin Grace, a University of Cincinnati professor and an expert on the history of beer and baseball. "That sort of sounds like a Zen proposition. I don't know. I think each of us has to reach enlightenment on our own."

Beer and sports. Sports and beer. From the bleachers to the couch, from six-packs to the Philadelphia 76ers' in-arena brewery, the two go together like summer and sunscreen. Popcorn and cinema. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez -- who, in the manner of countless Hollywood couples before them, will undoubtedly grow old and fat together. Well, maybe not fat.

Still, in an athletic world in which stadiums are named for beer barons and even the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association has an official brew, the question remains: Why suds? Why sports?

Why ... Bud Bowl I-IV?

(And no, "tastes great" won't do. Nor will "less filling." But thanks.)

"I don't need an excuse to drink beer," says Julie Bradford, editor of All About Beer magazine. "But with sports, it's a question of pacing. These are long spectator occasions. You don't want something strong that's going to render you, um, incapable of appreciating the whole of the game. Wine will get you in trouble, and spirits even more so. Although I hear the Kentucky Derby is pretty fun."

True enough. But a bit lacking, ontologically speaking. If enlightenment is our goal -- well, that and a generous buzz -- then let us begin at the temple of sports and suds: The ballpark. Or, for our purposes, Oriole Park at Camden Yards.