With Cleveland’s help, public space kept clean

Cleveland Ray, a camera-toting inspector with the Department of Public Works, slipped into my neighborhood in broad daylight last week.

He stopped in front of my place and snapped a photograph. Proof of his handiwork came to the house by certified mail three days later, along with a violation notice that indicated a “failure to maintain the abutting public space in a clean condition.”

The quality of the photograph was not bad, although I probably would have taken the shot at a different angle. But that is quibbling. Cleveland is obviously a creative person, and I would not want to be the one to stifle his creativity.

I am looking forward to working with Cleveland on this project. It is not an immense project, as projects go in the city. It is a $35 project. Cleveland snapped a photograph of the “abutting public space,” and now, the city wants $35 from me.

That seems excessive, considering I did not solicit Cleveland to take a shot of the “abutting public space.” If he felt so strongly about the project, he could have knocked on the door, and maybe we could have worked out something.

I would have elected to be in the shot; I know that. I would have pointed to the weeds with a smile and the “failure to maintain the abutting public space in a clean condition.” We probably could have found a neighbor to take a shot of “Cleveland & Me,” with both of us looking intently in the direction of the overgrown patch of land around the parking sign.

As you can see, I am trying to work with Cleveland on this matter.

I called the Department of Public Works, and a woman explained that the “failure to maintain the abutting public space in a clean condition” is a growing problem in the city.

I can accept that. There is nothing like an overgrown “abutting public space.”

But here’s the thing: Who owns the “abutting public space?”

“That is the city’s property,” the woman said.

I see. Yet it is my job to maintain it?

“Yes, that is right,” the woman said.

That leads to a number of unsettling issues, namely the manhole cover lurking near the “abutting public space.” What if the manhole cover goes airborne one day, as manhole covers have a tendency to do in the city, and crashes into a neighbor’s kitchen?

Is it my responsibility to go into the neighbor’s kitchen to retrieve the manhole cover, apologize for the inconvenience and then return it to its rightful place?

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