Monstrous undertaking

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We should have seen "Alien vs. Predator" coming the minute Freddy laid a hand, er knife, on Jason.

The success of last year's low-rent duel opened the floodgates for "AVP," another battle royal meant to wring more money out of two expired franchises.

That might sound harsh,but since 20th Century Fox refused to screen the film for critics a pinch of cynicism isn't out of order.

Once upon a time, the "Alien" features set the standard for modern science fiction. And "Predator" (1987) became one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's better films, although its second-rate 1990 sequel left thoughts of a trilogy in the dust.

Bringing the beasts together should have been a seamless task: The two species hook up on some strange planet, they go a few rounds and we all go home no worse for the wear -- or, the producers could have used the limited-series comic book of the same name for inspiration.

But no, the powers that be of "A vs. P" go so far as to rewrite ancient history to set the violence in motion.

The story begins not in the future, a la "Alien," but in the present where a dying business tycoon named Charles "Bishop" Weyland (Lance Henriksen) assembles an international crack exploration team to dig beneath Antarctica.

Ah, a wink to the fans.

See, the android Mr. Henriksen played in the second and third "Alien" features was named Bishop.

Thanks, folks. Next time, try living up to the source material.