Taking Names

TomKat mismatch

Count Michael Caine as the first actor to express skepticism about the engagement of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

It’s not what you think, though.

Comparing Miss Holmes with Mr. Cruise’s ex-wife Nicole Kidman, the veteran Brit actor told Rolling Stone magazine: “Nicole has this cold image, but she’s a knockout. I adore her.

“And Katie is fun, too. I keep hearing she is going to be the next Mrs. Tom Cruise. She’s a bit on the tall side.”

Saving Pvt. Sizemore

Actor Tom Sizemore missed a probation violation hearing Tuesday after checking into a live-in drug rehabilitation program.

If the court finds Mr. Sizemore violated probation, which he denies, he could be sent to prison for up to three years, Associated Press reports. The “Saving Private Ryan” actor was ordered into drug treatment after pleading guilty in October to possession of methamphetamine.

Prosecutors claimed Mr. Sizemore tried to falsify a urine test for drugs and later missed tests required once every three days. They also said he failed to report to his probation officer and missed drug rehab counseling sessions.

Too blue for you

The “dirtiest joke ever told” won’t be told in an AMC theater, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

AMC Theatres has decided not to exhibit “The Aristocrats,” an upcoming unrated documentary about a particularly blue joke, on any of its screens.

According to the movie’s distributor, ThinkFilm, the Kansas City-based AMC originally agreed to play the movie in two markets — Atlanta and Chicago — but later backed out of its obligations.

AMC countered that though the two companies engaged in early conversations, AMC never reached an agreement with ThinkFilm to play “The Aristocrats.” AMC spokeswoman Pam Blase said that whenever a film is unrated, the company’s policy is to send the movie to its corporate offices. Miss Blase said in this case, AMC Film Group Chairman Dick Walsh made a business decision not to play the film.

Tug and tuck

Fresh out of drug rehab, Kelly Osbourne says she’s determined to feel good about herself again, even if that means cosmetic surgery.

“I don’t think anyone is completely happy with the way they look,” Miss Osbourne, 21, told Closer magazine, “but I don’t hate myself.

“When I get older, I’m getting sucked and tucked,” she vowed. “Look at my mother, Sharon Osbourne. She looks fabulous, and if she can do it, why can’t I?”

Into the fire

The British rock band Queen invited emergency services personnel who responded to the London bombings to its Hyde Park concert as a gesture of thanks, the BBC reports.

Queen frontman Paul Rodgers said he wanted Friday’s concert to become a tribute to their work.

Guitarist Brian May called them heroes for “getting London’s wheels turning again.”

The concert is expected to draw approximately 85,000 people, according to the BBC.

Local hero

Online retailer Amazon.com has established a Music Hall of Fame as part of its 10th-anniversary celebration. (It did the same for authors.) Amazon’s hall-of-famers list was compiled based on sales data from the past decade.

Alongside such predictable giant sellers as the Beatles, U2 and Norah Jones was singer and District native Esa Cassidy, who clocked in at No. 5 on Amazon’s list, edging out better-known artists such as Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen.

Compiled by Scott Galupo from staff and wire reports.