- The Washington Times - Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Kwame Brown sees himself as Mohandas Gandhi in a loincloth, a passive resister who quit on the Wizards in the playoffs to save Gilbert Arenas from a slap-induced trip to the injured list.

This is the latest fanciful spin from the professional victim, as relayed to The Washington Post from the safety of his digs on the West Coast.

Living with being a quitter is obviously hard on the psyche. Being a liar becomes preferable to it.

Some guys just never learn, and Brown has gained entry into that club.

His list of those endeavoring to keep him down is forever expanding, from the tag-team maneuverings of Doug Collins and Michael Jordan to the mischievous efforts of Eddie Jordan and Ernie Grunfeld and now Arenas, the All-Star who instructed the coach not to play the delicate one.

Why stop there?

Didn’t Arenas urge the 20,000 in attendance to boo each time the ball slipped out of Brown’s hands?

Brown has left the man on the grassy knoll and the one-armed man out of his fantasies so far. But give him time. He has taken up with the beautiful people of Los Angeles, where elaborate fantasies are a ticket to celluloid stardom.

The way Brown tells it, he is a humanitarian of the highest order, a peacenik second only to Cindy Sheehan.

That is his story now, although that was not his story last spring. He wanted more minutes then and walked out in a snit. Now he claims he walked out to spare Arenas the trauma of being slapped.

By this contention, the Wizards should honor Brown with a plaque on his one visit to Fun Street this season. If he never finds his niche in the NBA, he always could find work as a touring storyteller, as an earthier version of Garrison Keillor.

Brown has a million of them, with more certain to come, as he takes up with the Zen master and Kobe Bryant. They, too, are destined to be added to his list of conspirators, if not Mitch Kupchak and Jack Nicholson.

Until then, the Lakers ought to hire a professional tackler with duct tape and rope to swing into action whenever a reporter happens to mention minutes or shot attempts to Brown after a game.

Brown never has mastered the fine art of postgame diplomacy. There is ample material. He could offer to take it one game at a time or just be happy with his fresh start or borrow from Mark McGwire and let it be known that he is not wherever he is to discuss the past.

Brown had a productive summer, as he put it. He avoided an arrest, which in his case qualifies as improvement. He also purchased a larger home than the one he had in the Washington area, however that translates into a double-double on the court.

Brown called Arenas to explain that his desire to slap him was “misconstrued,” and Arenas was big enough not to challenge the explanation, farfetched though it was.

There really is no sense in arguing with a person who keeps digging a deeper hole for himself.

Brown had four seasons to show his stuff, and all he developed in that time was a capacity to point fingers. He eventually lost his plausible deniability, as the incidents with coaches, teammates and the front office accumulated.

His lunatic charge against Arenas reveals just how out of touch he is.

Here is what Brown won’t dare explain: career averages of 7.7 points and 5.5 rebounds.

Oh, right. Forgot. Those anemic numbers are the fault of the conspirators.

Their mission in life is to put the circumstances in place that lead to the failings of a 7-footer.

As you know, all successful NBA teams desperately want the No. 1 overall pick of a draft to fail.

At least that remains Brown’s story, and he is sticking with it.

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