Always in hock

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When the packages from expensive stores arrived next door, New York writer Shira Boss was mildly jealous. When it was rumored that the young couple who lived there had paid cash for their New York apartment, Ms. Boss' envy snowballed, and she wondered why she and her husband could not afford to live that lifestyle.

The neighborhood chatter was that the couple had loads of family money. Ms. Boss wondered why everyone else seemed to be enjoying life.

Then Ms. Boss talked to her neighbor, Tina, who confided in her. She worried about money, too. She hated her high-paying job. A mortgage and home-equity line of credit meant she had some big bills to pay. Tina even had a credit-card balance of $21,000 -- most of it spent on clothes -- that she kept secret from her husband.

In other words, the glamorous people next door were a lot like Ms. Boss and her husband. They also were just like the majority of Americans.

Ms. Boss, author of the book "Green With Envy: Why Keeping Up With the Joneses Is Keeping Us in Debt," says that never before have so many Americans coveted so much, charged so much, compared so much and save so little.

It isn't daily living that has Americans shouldering a record $857 billion -- and growing -- credit-card debt, Ms. Boss and many financial planners say. What has people spending is the thought that the neighbors just bought the big Pottery Barn sectional and therefore they can afford it, too.

"We're dealing with human nature and the American culture," Ms. Boss says. "Access to credit has gone up exponentially, and attitudes toward having debt have changed over the last generation. So you get this cocktail of envy and credit. You have people who go out and buy things because they can."

Adding to the cycle of envy-and-spend is the secretive nature of money. People say, "Look what I bought," not "Look what I charged." One might brag about a new BMW, but chances are there won't be much trumpeting of the $600 monthly payment. Most people don't talk of what they have in the bank or how much they owe MasterCard.

"There is this expectation that everyone is doing it -- spending -- so it is what you do," Ms. Boss says. "You lose touch with reality."

So here's a little reality check in case cutting spending is one of your New Year's resolutions: The American Psychological Association says money is the No. 1 stressor in our lives.