- The Washington Times - Friday, May 11, 2007

Hype warning

Headline flashed across millions of computer screens by AOL News yesterday after a name was given to the first Atlantic storm of 2007: “‘I don’t think it’s a good sign.’”

And who was it who uttered the ominous warning deemed worthy of being inserted into a headline? Was it a hurricane expert? A meteorologist? NASA scientist?

Nope, it was Ashley Pagan, 24, who was quoted in the Associated Press story while taking “cover from the wind during a cigarette break outside the beachside souvenir shop where she works.”

Undressing Hillary

Only two episodes after “Boston Legal” TV-character lawyer Denny Crane (played by William Shatner) proclaimed “I puke” if Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton becomes president, the popular TV series this week attacked the New York Democrat even more harshly, further eroding whatever romance remains between Hollywood and the former first lady.

“Why are relationships with women so much more complicated?” fellow lawyer Alan Shore (James Spader) asks Mr. Crane.

“Come on, Alan. Women have this hormone thing. As much as I love them, they are unstable, which is why they can never be president.”

“You don’t think a woman should ever be president.”

“Oh, come on. Do you? In time of war? How would a woman handle a 9/11? She’d cry.”

“You think Hillary Clinton would have cried.”

“Well, maybe not Hillary. But she has a few chromosome issues, let’s face it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you ever look at her at times and think, ‘That’s a guy!’?”

“No, I find her sexy in a praying mantis, and a knee-length skirt kind of way.”

“Do you ever mentally undress her?”

“I was talking about my relationship issues. How did we get to mentally undressing Hillary Clinton — and so quickly I might add?”

“Because it’s all related. I want to tell you something here and now about women and relationships. We would never be in Guantanamo if it weren’t for Hillary Clinton.”

“I know the reason is obvious, but give it to me just the same.”

Bill Clinton would never had lied in the deposition, he wouldn’t have risked impeachment. So what if the sexual indiscretion came to light? The public would have forgiven him. But Hillary! The reason he lied is because he was afraid Hillary would find out. That’s why he was impeached, that’s why Al Gore didn’t win. And after all that impeachment scandal crap, the public would have elected any fool other than a Democrat. Cut to — ”

“The George W.”

“All because of a woman scorned.”

Speaking of faith

Topic of White House Press Secretary TonySnow’s commencement address tomorrow morning at the Catholic University of Washington’s Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception: “Reason, Faith, Vocation.”

Pombo’s back

Declaring he will continue to fight against special interests, outspoken former Republican Rep. Richard W. Pombo, who was sent back to his California ranch after the 2006 election, has accepted the national chairmanship of the Partnership for America.

The grass-roots organization lobbies for greater public access to public lands, reform of the Endangered Species Act, and less reliance on foreign energy.

Better halves

If you are friends or neighbors of any military spouses, wish them well today.

President Bush has proclaimed May 11 to be “Military Spouse Day,” encouraging all Americans to fully appreciate the sacrifices made on a daily basis by the husbands and wives of those who wear the uniform of U.S. armed forces.

John McCaslin can be reached at 202/636-3284 or jmccaslin@washingtontimes.com.

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