'October Rebellion' targets tony Georgetown

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Down with capitalism. Down with neoliberalism. Down with the wealthy exploiters of Georgetown and their sycophants who take from the poor and feast on the culinary delights of Nathan's Restaurant.

The supporters of the so-called "October Rebellion," designed to protest the actions of the International Monetary Fund and World Bank, convene at 9 tomorrow night at Washington Circle in Foggy Bottom before moving to the streets of Georgetown and letting the bourgeoisie pigs there know that the proletariat are wise to their human rights abuses.

If it were not for the greedy denizens of Georgetown, there would be no homeless people shuffling up and down Wisconsin Avenue. And these homeless people would not be talking to imaginary voices. Instead, these homeless people — at least a few of them anyway — would be living in the home of George Stephanopoulos and staging keg parties every weekend night.

The oppressed revolutionaries are calling for "disruptive actions," unspecified though they may be. The downtrodden socialists do not reveal if they will be packing weaponry, although any worthy revolution requires the practitioners to carry instruments of persuasion. Comrade Che Guevara would be the first take up arms against the ruling class of Georgetown if he were still around to inspire the unwashed masses.

Understandably, the organizers of the October Rebellion are targeting Georgetown because of the residents "who make the IMF, World Bank and oppression of D.C. possible." October Rebellion studies show that three out of four Georgetown residents either hold powerful jobs at the IMF or World Bank or pay illegal aliens a meager $10 an hour to landscape their lush lawns. These are crimes against humanity that no longer can go unanswered.

Power to the people who own nothing but the clothes on their backs and the bricks in their hands.

You ask: Why Georgetown? Why not McLean or Potomac? Because it is too far to walk to McLean and Potomac.

As the October Rebellion leaders note: "The bank and fund must be stopped, but they must be stopped along with all of their equally exploitative counterparts, including local real estate developers, finance ministers, bankers and government officials." So who gets to live in Sen. John FrankenKerry"s home after the rebellion is completed? Or the home of Madeleine Albright? Are the revolutionaries planning to hold a public raffle? These are just a few of the vexing questions before the October Rebellion forces.

If they end up being as disruptive as planned, the commercial district of Georgetown could take a financial hit, which would be tough on the little people who depend on tips to pay their bills. This would be unfortunate, of course, but revolutions require all of us to make sacrifices both large and small.

The October Rebellion visionaries are being joined by the deep thinkers of Code Pink and various anarchy-loving groups. Perhaps the anarchists are hoping to start a bonfire on M Street. Or perhaps they will be content to hawk their "Let"s Start a Revolution" T-shirts.

There is one tiny problem with the event. Someone neglected to obtain a permit to march on Georgetown, which could result in a number of logistical problems along the parade route. You cannot do anything in this city without a permit. You cannot even park in front of your home without a zone permit.

So this could be interesting, especially if the protesters are packing guns, bricks, baseball bats and Molotov cocktails. If not, then they are merely make-believe revolutionaries whose only threat to Georgetown will be to add to the din normally provided by drunken frat boys.

As the revolutionaries know only too well, it is so not fair that the exploiters have the money to live in Georgetown, while others are banished to the ghettos of Cleveland Park and the Palisades.

If life were fair, all of us would be able to employ a team of illegal aliens to build our dream home in Georgetown.