Mom’s digital site aids parents

At what age should a child have a cell phone? Should social-networking sites be off-limits? What does “AIM” stand for?

As the first generation of digital-age youngsters grows up, parents are trying to keep up the pace not only with the latest technology — which is challenging enough for some — but also with new types of judgment calls with no guidance from their own childhood experiences.

Megan Hollister, a mother of three in Sterling, Va., said her family has been “uncommon” when it comes to cell phones for her daughters 12-year-old Callie and 14-year-old Emma. The girls had been sharing a phone until recently, when Emma entered high school and got her own, while some of their classmates had phones as early as the third grade.

“I think the main reason in the end is for sports,” Mrs. Hollister said. “A lot of their friends had phones for a very long time, but this is our comfort level.”

As for social-networking Web sites, the Hollisters have had an active dialogue with their children about the risks of posting personal information, and they don’t allow either daughter to use popular hubs like MySpace or Facebook.

“I think she realizes we’re not doing it to be mean; we’re doing it for safety reasons,” Mrs. Hollister said of daughter Emma, who she acknowledged may earn the right to use the sites in the future. “And then we’ll manage it, she’ll have a limited time, and if we find it’s affecting her or her grades drop, then that’s the first thing to go.”

It’s far better for parents to be involved and grapple with the challenges of raising children in a wired world rather than tune out, said Monica Vila, founder of TheOnlineMom.com, a Web site that helps parents navigate the digital landscape for information ranging from good Web sites for ‘tweens to common acronyms used in texting and instant messaging.

“Once I was savvy, I could keep my daughter savvy, create a good and responsible cybercitizen,” said Ms. Vila. “She goes out the door and into school and into friends’ houses and is exposed to many other things I cannot control.”

Ms. Vila said she launched the online hub in August, after parents at her daughter Samantha’s elementary school kept going to her for answers to their technology questions. As she searched for resources, she found plenty of sites focusing exclusively on safety and the dangers of being wired, but none that discussed the benefits.

“We thought it would be great to have a resource that actually was encouraging and more positive about embracing technology,” Ms. Vila said.

The Online Mom features a technology dictionary, topical articles on subjects such as parental controls and tips that are broken down by age groups. When it comes to the use of technology and children, Ms. Vila describes the benefits in three main tenets: communication, entertainment and education.

“Parents need to learn how to communicate with their kids. … If they are not savvy at texting or e-mail or things like that, then they miss an opportunity,” she said.

A recent survey that asked 1,000 parents and 1,000 children about their text-messaging habits showed that 79 percent of parents text their children most often to tell them to come home or give them a call. Half of parents think text messaging makes them a “cool parent.”

“Not only does text messaging allow parents to enter their child’s world, but it provides an unintrusive way for families to stay in touch throughout the day as needed — whether it’s coordinating schedules, sending reminders about doctor’s appointments or just texting a ‘thinking of you’ message,” said Alecia Bridgwater, director of messaging for AT&T; Inc., the nation’s largest wireless carrier, which commissioned the survey.

Sending a text or an e-mail also can be an easy way to establish a dialogue if a son or daughter appears depressed, Ms. Vila suggested.

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