Dear Ms. Vicki,
I have been trying for two years to find a job at all the bases with the Army & Air Force Exchange Service. I really need a job and I’m willing to do anything.
I have filled out an application online. I have been called by several of the offices for an interview. They call me back, and to make a long story short, they don’t hire me because of my background check.
I did something when I was younger, and because of that I can’t get a job now. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but because I did that one thing, I have to live with it. I think everyone should get a second chance in life, but everyone doesn’t feel that way, or I would have a job. What can I do about this? Does this mean I will never be allowed to work again? - My Past Is Haunting Me
Dear Past,
I’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time finding employment. We all made mistakes when we were younger, including me. With the economy, we all need additional income.
This is a legal question. You should consult an attorney to see whether your offenses can be expunged from your record. The laws on expungement vary from state to state, but it’s worth a try.
Try a walk-in consultation with the legal office at your nearest base. Most have walk-in hours, but call first to make sure. They should be able to give you some information and advice on this issue or direct you to further resources.
Hi Ms. Vicki,
I’m writing you because I am being judged wrongly and falsely accused. My husband is deployed like most of our men and women in the military. My life has been no different, trying to cope with a husband who hasn’t been around since 2001.
I’ve learned a lot about myself and what makes me happy. I’ve learned that I get more friendship from men than I do from women. Women are too catty and gossip too much, can be overbearing and keep a lot of messes going. I have learned to distance myself from them.
On the other hand, men know how to keep things on the “up and up.” They give good counsel, are easygoing and know how to have a good time.
One of my male friends visits my home often and sometimes spends the night. We are not having a sexual relationship, we are platonic friends only. He knows my children and they call him uncle. We know each other’s family, but he hasn’t met my husband yet because he is deployed. No, my friend is not married and does not have a girlfriend.
Like I said, women can keep so many messes going. One such woman, an ex-friend, told her husband my male friend spends the night at my home. Our husbands are in the same unit, her husband told my husband and now my husband is upset and is demanding to know what is going on.
The only thing I can tell him is nothing is going on. We spend time together, not only the two of us, but with other people, too. We have never slept together or even touched each other, but all of a sudden it went from the neighbors who wave and say hi to the neighbors who won’t even turn my way and look at me.
I want to go up to them so bad and say, “Just for your information, I am not sleeping with him.” But then again, I don’t feel I should have to explain myself. Why do people have to be so immature and wrapped up in everyone else’s business around here? Living on post is like being in high school 24/7. - Living on Post Drama
Dear Drama,
I must be very frank with you about your behavior. You are immature and starting the drama.
In my opinion, for you to have another man - possibly men, from your report - residing in your home is dead wrong. You are very naive if you don’t see this. It’s also very disrespectful toward your husband and your marriage.
You are playing with fire and lying to yourself as well. You are telling yourself these are platonic relationships, but they’re not and you know it. This is not cool and it’s not right.
You’ve even placed your children in the middle of this by allowing your children to call this man “uncle.” Get real. Meeting friends at happy hour is one thing, but bringing men into your home is something totally different.
My advice is to stop blaming your neighbors and accept some culpability in this matter. Stop running a motel out of your home and stop having male visitors in your home, too. You act like you don’t understand why your husband is upset. Are you kidding me? It’s time for you to grow up.
Here’s one rule of life; sometimes you have to do what’s right in the sight of other people. Yes, you’re an adult, and it’s your home. However, we have to realize that we have other people watching us and perception is paramount. Do the right thing, and let your male friends go.
Reader responses:
c I think you are doing an awesome job writing for The Washington Times. I look forward to your columns each week, sometimes just for the amusement with the wives who think they have it hard. I say, “Here’s a tissue, cry me a river!” I don’t think any of us wives are thrilled by the fact that our soldiers are deployed.
Our soldiers train a lot; it is how they do their job. It takes each and every soldier to complete a task. If a soldier has a lot on his mind because things back home are not on track, that weakens the link. A team is only as strong as the weakest link, and it makes it hard on the rest of the team.
It takes a very special lady to become a military wife and stick with her soldier through the good times and the bad. The vows don’t say “when it is convenient for you or for them,” it doesn’t say “only sometimes.” Ladies, be proud you have a man who is willing to stand up and fight for his country and protect the girl he loves.
• Ms. Vicki, I love your column, but I’m tired of all the whiny women. Would you please print this: Ladies, we have to stick together to get through the deployments and it takes all of us to get through the hard times.
This is not Burger King and you can’t have it your way. Your husbands rely on their combat buddies to get them through their hard times. They are the ones being targeted in a war zone, not you. You have the peace, comfort and quietness in your warm, soft beds at night. What do our soldiers have? Maybe a rucksack to lay their head on or a soft place in the sand surrounded by sand bags - what a lovely, sanitary environment.
They said goodbye to your warm touch when they left you on the tarmac for the cold touch of a rifle to help them survive another day in combat to hold at night in hopes of making it back home to you.
You married the Army when you married a soldier. Be proud of it. Prove to your husband that he has a wife he can count on, who is strong and can bend with the wind, but will never break. You have to be strong for them to get them through the separation. If you don’t like it, then you should never have married a soldier.
If you like adventure, you got it. If not, suck it up anyway, lean forward in the foxhole, drive on and act like you are a soldier’s wife - and also at least act like you have some sense!
• Vicki Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker, military spouse and mother of three. Her column runs in The Washington Times on Thursdays and Sundays. Contact her at dearmsvicki@yahoo.com.
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