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Heck, you can buy an official major league ball for less than $20 online or at a sporting goods store, much less than a trip to the emergency room costs. I guess the idea is to prove you, too, can be an athlete, but who cares?

Buehrle’s wife, Jamie, told the Chicago Tribune she was trying not to throw up because of nerves in the ninth inning. If the lunkhead in the seats had actually caught the ball, she might have unloaded in plain sight of the TV cameras and 28,036 eyewitnesses.

Sorry, make that 28,035 eyewitnesses. Presumably, the feeble-minded fan would have been waving the ball in triumph and waiting for high-fives that never came.

In other ways, too, some spectators indicate all too clearly that they don’t give a rodent’s rump about the game they paid to watch. How often have you seen an overindulging “fan” slop suds all over himself before sales are cut off? How about onlookers who leave after the eighth inning of a tie game? Or those who ignore the proceedings and brainlessly do “the wave”?

I always thought you went to a game to watch the game, particularly considering the prices of tickets, parking and concessions nowadays.

Of course, Buehrle himself might have been lacking smarts when, after receiving a 30-second congratulatory call from President Obama, he said, “What, that’s all [the time] he’s got for me?”

Guess what, Mark, the president of the United States had a few other things on his mind. Unlike the dimwitted fan in center field who obviously had nothing at all on his mind.