Miley Cyrus’ provocative pose and Britney Spears’ many meltdowns. A-Rod used steroids and dumped his wife. Michael Phelps learned camera phones and college parties do not mix.
So goes the world of the celebrity with a large teen following. Their collective faux pas have accumulated to the point that Parenting magazine has devoted an ongoing Fallen Idols photo gallery on its Web site, Parenting.com.
Sites like Parenting.com have long been a place to read about colic and how to pick a preschool while the antics of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have been fodder for US Weekly and In Touch. Is the overlap a sign of the times?
Yes, says Rachel Fishman Feddersen, director of Parenting.com. With more attention on stars — whether it is an organized public relations blitz or candid cell-phone photos — every move is scrutinized. Therefore, there is more chance for celebrities to disappoint their fans.
“There does seem to be a sudden rash of idols in trouble,” Ms. Feddersen says. “It could be because [people] are paying more attention to gossip that we’ve suddenly had to explain the issue to children.”
Currently in the gallery of fallen idols: Mr. Phelps, Miss Cyrus, Alex Rodriguez, “High School Musical’s” Vanessa Hudgens (who had nude photos leaked on the Internet) and Jamie Lynn Spears (who gave birth last year at age 16).
“I think we will be updating it,” Ms. Feddersen says. “It is an issue that never goes away. The kids will get older, but heroes disappointing fans is always relevant — it is just not always the same names.”
So much adulation of celebrities is a slippery slope, says Drew Pinsky, an addiction specialist and host of the VH-1 show “Celebrity Rehab.”
Dr. Pinsky is the co-author of a new book “The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America.” In it, he says many celebrities indeed seek fame because of their own narcissism. With a 24-hour news cycle and myriad Internet gossip sites, regular people feel as if they really “know” sports and entertainment stars and it has “given real people a forum to mimic those outsized, troubling behaviors,” Dr. Pinsky says.
“When stars are recorded indulging in high-risk behavior … they are broadcasting an image that serves as a model for viewers of the broadcast,” Dr. Pinsky writes. “And when impressionable fans soak up the images in the absence of responsible, mitigating commentary, it becomes easy for such viewers to pose their own desire for vicarious thrills, rebellion — to mirror their own behavior.”
The “mirror effect” is the process by which provocative, shocking or otherwise troubling behavior has become normalized, expected and even tolerated in our media culture, and is increasingly reflected in our own behavior, Dr. Pinsky says.
“The mirror effect is really just something that amplifies narcissism,” Dr. Pinsky said in a phone interview.
That narcissism goes both ways. Yes, celebrities will have tantrums or DUI arrests — but what is it about us (or our children) that makes us care?
“We’ve elevated [more narcissistic] people,” Dr. Pinsky says. “And we’re more preoccupied and acting out our envy. That’s why we like to knock celebrities down; we feel better about ourselves.”
Dr. Pinsky says in his book that the saturation of media in recent years has led to a shift in whom adolescents choose to admire.
He points out stats that show young people are more than twice as likely to admire an entertainer than they are a political leader, that 51 percent of 18- to 35-year-olds say being famous is their generation’s first- or second-most important life goal, and that many teenagers who watch celebrity-focused TV shows and read celebrity magazines believe they will become famous.
Since many celebrities come by their narcissism because of childhood trauma or other significant developmental events, it is important to do a parenting reality check, Dr. Pinsky says. Parents can have a grounding influence on their children — one that, it is hoped, will have a more significant impact than celebrity influence.
“Narcissism has eroded into parenting styles,” Dr. Pinsky says. “We have to be careful with our own narcissism, because narcissistic parenting begets more narcissism. Many people try to parent with the child as an emotional extension of themselves. We can’t tolerate pain for the child or allow them to be frustrated or fail. We want to give them everything.”
In other words, today’s youth soccer star pressured into all-star greatness and elevated into a false sense of superiority might be tomorrow’s drunk, divorced diva.
“It is our job as parents to be supportive while children learn to tolerate disappointment,” Dr. Pinsky says. “When your kids are in pain, it is their pain, not yours. Otherwise, we are going to raise kids who feel entitled.”
Both Ms. Feddersen and Dr. Pinsky say it makes no sense to shield children from celebrities’ bad behavior — the coverage is everywhere in our culture, from MTV to conversations on the school bus.
Instead, talk about it. Dr. Pinsky says starting the conversation about your child’s favorite celebrities at ages 8 to 12 can pave the way for more substantial conversations later. He says to keep the conversation fluid — to ask what your child thinks. Also, use the opportunity to respond in ways that reinforce your family’s values and shared expectations, as well as the consequences of celebrity behavior in real life.
“Explain why you think the behavior is inappropriate, without blaming your child for being intrigued,” he writes.
Says Ms. Feddersen: “You have to grab the teachable moment. Actually, celebrity scandal can be a conversation starter about topics parents might not want to talk about. This gives them a chance to talk about subjects like sex, drugs or cheating in a way kids can grasp rather than an abstract conversation about morals. Even children can understand you can be famous for the wrong reason.”
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