OK, so Sarah Palin dabbled in cocaine and slept with a black man, according to a new "book" by a creepy stalker. This, to the horror of the political media set.
The same charges, of course, can be said of the current occupants of the White House. But such "accusations" were never snapped up so hungrily when Barack Obama was running for president.
Sarah Palin is not even running for president, and yet the very thought of her existence inspires such frenzied high moralizing from the media that they cannot resist reveling in the most salacious and spurious claims about her.
Like dogs discovering a pile of fetid manure, they blissfully roll in the gossip and grind back and forth until the offensive stench is mashed deep into the very pores of their skin. Then they trot off, proudly reeking of the stench that proper humans try to avoid.
Even the most pious of journalists who went to great lengths to savage the "author" and his "reporting" techniques opted, of course, to review the book and spread the good word.
So there Mrs. Palin is in the New York Times and The Washington Post, snorting coke off an overturned 55-gallon drum and "having sex with a black guy" as an unmarried 23-year-old.
Stop for a second and imagine if the whole situation was reversed. Instead of a white female political figure who is reviled by the left, imagine that the subject was a black political figure beloved by the media.
If someone came out with a book claiming that said beloved black figure had slept with a white woman, do you think the media would cover that as a story? Do you think they would review it as a legitimate offering? Or would they toss it off as vile bigotry clearly aimed at inflaming racial anxieties?
Of course, the only story that might get written would be how the Department of Justice should investigate the book as some sort of hate crime.
But Sarah Palin sleeping with a black guy? That's real news and worthy of a book review.
Perhaps the best "story" to emerge from the "book" is the one where some houseguests of the Palins reportedly claimed to have gotten booted from the guest room after Mrs. Palin discovered a bottle of baby oil on their bedside table.
Mrs. Palin was mortified, so the tale goes, to have guests having crazy lubricated sex while under her roof. The couple claimed some nonsense about "dry skin."
OK, so apparently Mrs. Palin has grown seriously prudish since her days of snorting coke and sleeping with a black man. Or, perhaps, one or all of the episodes are entirely fabricated — since it hardly seems possible they all involved the same character.
Whatever. I prefer to believe that, indeed, she did find the baby oil on the bedside table and that she did kick the people out of her house, and that alone gives her more qualifications to be president than the current occupant.
I mean, with all the slimy fornicating that goes on in this town as the world's greatest free civilization burns to the ground, it might not be a bad place to start by electing a good baby oil sheriff to kick all the greasy, fornicating bastards out.
• Charles Hurt's column appears Wednesday. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.