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Ever since the topsy-turvy Republican primaries, conservatives were a bit meh about presumptive presidential nominee Mitt Romney. Then came Chief Justice Roberts‘ smackdown of the Affordable Care Act, which just might have fired up Mr. Romney’s conservative base.

Now, according to the aforementioned CBS poll, 28 percent of voters for whom the Supreme Court’s ruling matters say they are more likely to vote for Mr. Romney, while just 13 percent say they are more likely to choose Mr. Obama. Better yet, by declaring Obamacare to be constitutional because it’s a tax, the chief justice of the United States handed Republicans a golden opportunity to brand the president as a tax-and-spend liberal.

Admit it, hot ‘n’ bothered Red Staters — boring ol’ John Roberts is about 50 shades freakier than you thought.

“Very often, people get into routines and ruts,” Ms. Utay said. “They think they know each other, and the relationship gets boring and tedious. When somebody steps out, it can reignite a sense of excitement and bring a new level of interest.”

6. Accept that moving on means moving forward

During a recent interview with Piers Morgan, Justice Scalia scoffed at rumors that he had a falling out with the chief justice over the Obamacare ruling. “No, nothing like that,” Justice Scalia told the CNN host.

Talk about judicial precedent: If Mr. Colbert’s new conservative idol doesn’t hold a grudge, then neither should the rank and file.

“The worst thing you can do in a romantic relationship is to stay in a place of anger and hatred,” Ms. Walsh said. “You have to look to the next thing, find a way to move on, release your resentful feelings so you can respect yourself and move on in the relationship.”

Red America, it’s time to move forward — or, at the very least, put away those Glenn Beck-peddled T-shirts with Chief Justice Roberts‘ mug and the word “COWARD” emblazoned on the front. Do it for your own well-being. And do it for the sake of the kids — all the future political brawls and Supreme Court rulings to come.

After all, the court’s upcoming docket features cases involving affirmative action and gay marriage — each decision a chance to stick it to liberals, each ruling a golden opportunity for conservatives to go gaga for Chief Justice Roberts all over again.

“Both partners can’t win all the time,” Ms. Walsh said. “More often than you would like, you have to choose the relationship over winning the battle.