WASHINGTON — Say what you want about President Obama but you got to give the guy credit. He finally discovered the holy grail for dislodging the bloated ranks of federal workers from their jobs.
Force them into Obamacare!
According to a report in Politico Thursday, lawmakers and their staff all over Capitol Hill are heading for the exits.
Turns out, they can endure the toxic air of politics, slavishly long hours, dinky offices and lecherous lawmakers creeping up and down the halls. But one thing they simply will not abide? Being forced into the very same health care exchanges that they themselves created for the rest of us innocent citizens.
This is a real accomplishment, considering that every method short of blasting caps and dynamite have been tried to dislodge federal workers from the massive bureaucracy. And, yet, only President Obama has found the key to getting it done and he deserves high credit for that.
Of course, the exchanges are good enough for millions and millions and millions of Americans who pay all the bills around here. But that sure as hell doesn't mean the bureaucratic healthcare nightmare is good enough for them.
If this were any place other than Washington, you would dismiss the report as a farce. No way people could be so oblivious to the absurdity of their own beliefs. No way humans could hate people so much that they would force them into a system they themselves would never force upon themselves or their families. No way people could be that evil, deceitful and uncaring.
But here is the part that even a Hollywood producer would dismiss as too fantastical, too absurd, too unbelievable, too shameless.
Now these very same lawmakers and staffers — in both parties! — are working feverishly behind the scenes to find some way to excuse themselves from Obamacare. That way, they can keep on the public teat a little bit longer without suffering the harmful indignities of health care brought to you by the post office.
"If the issue isn't resolved, and massive numbers of lawmakers and aides bolt," Politico reports, "many on Capitol Hill fear it could lead to a brain drain just as Congress tackles a slew of weighty issues — like fights over the tax code and immigration reform."
Oh my! What would we do without this "brain trust" handling all our weighty issues? I don't know. But I do know what happens when we do have them. We get Obamacare. And it is so terrible they would rather quit their jobs than join it.
Rep. John Larson, a Connecticut Democrat who helped craft Obamacare for suckers all across America, complained to Politico that "this is simply not fair to these employees."
What? The health care system YOU created for Americans is so terrible and so expensive that it is "simply not fair" that you should all be on it? Voters in Larson's district should immediately begin a petition to have the man removed from office. What criminal hypocrisy.
Not only should every single one of these lawmakers and their staff be forced to live with the beast they created for us, but it should be expanded. If they have a spouse who still has private insurance after this time bomb goes off, they should be required to give it up and enroll into Obamacare, too, if they want to continue working for Congress.
In fact, the rule requiring Congress and staffers to enroll in Obamacare should immediately be extended to the entire federal bureaucracy. Force every worker in the post office, every worker in the IRS and every employee at NSA to give up the expensive health care packages that we currently provide them. Herd every last one of them into the Obamacare exchanges that the federal government has created for us.
Not only would it save us a ton of money to get rid of all those Cadillac health care packages we now provide, it just might also force a good half of them to hit the exits. Not a bad way to trim the federal government, if you ask me.
• Charles Hurt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @charleshurt.