Exclusive sneak peek: Larry King’s first column for Kremlin propaganda network RT (Parody)

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EXCLUSIVE: Larry King is joining the Kremlin-funded propaganda network RT. I’ve gotten a sneak preview of King’s first column for the struggling cable outlet.

Those girls in Pussy Riot should really eat something; they’re nothing but skin and bones … The rebels in Syria are bad news; someone should help Assad out … Have you seen Putin riding a bear? That man has tamed nature … Look, we all have our issues, but shouldn’t journalists know when to keep their mouths shut? 

Yowza! Vanessa Hudgens is really warming up Moscow theaters in “Spring Breakers” … I just don’t understand why Viktor Yushchenko would spike his tea with Dioxin … Seems to me that Europe needs natural gas more than protection from missiles … People tell me that the vodka here is better, but when you mix it with prune juice it all tastes about the same …

But really, what is propaganda? … Americans really should’ve listened to the Russian secret police about those Chechens … What’s a theater full of people when law and order is on the line … Speaking of “Law and Order,” it feels like Dick Wolf is really missing out on an opportunity in the motherland …

I was not told I would be paid in Gazprom stock … I’m not saying Bernard-Henri Levy should button up his shirt. But I am saying he shouldn’t lie about what he saw in Georgia … Do you think we could convince Kobe Bryant to buy one of these struggling Russian basketball franchises? Showtime comes to St. Petersburg!

Sonny Bunch is the managing editor of the Washington Free Beacon.

 

 

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