LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) - The day after news came that teacher Nicole Mathewson had been murdered in her home last month, Conestoga Valley staff turned the Brownstown Elementary School library into a “safe room.”
There, Mathewson’s students could discuss their feelings with each other or counselors and share memories of their teacher in writing and art.
Nine miles away, staff at McCaskey High School set up a safe room for a different, but inextricably related, reason: a 16-year-old was one of two people arrested and charged with homicide in Mathewson’s death.
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Six McCaskey students visited the safe room that day, seeking support in coping with the news.
Whether students are connected to a victim or a suspect, safe rooms have become standard practice at schools rocked by violence or accidental deaths. But that’s only the first step. In the weeks and months after a tragedy, schools should have ongoing conversations with students, host parents nights and stay alert for students who aren’t coping well, according to mental health and crisis response specialists.
At Conestoga Valley, counselors have been on hand periodically since Mathewson’s death - for instance, at the Brownstown Elementary holiday concert and after new charges were filed in the case.
In School District of Lancaster, where students have known victims as well as people accused of having perpetrated recent violence, external mental health providers are on site in every school all year. A district official said specific responses to the city’s recent spike in violence have been coordinated by community organizations, not the district.
Cheri Lovre, a crisis response expert who created the safe room model in 1985, says the weeks immediately after a crisis are critical for a school’s response.
“There are tremendous, deep, thoughtful conversations that we can have with students that are never as impactful as they are when their life has just changed tremendously.”
As director of the Oregon-based Crisis Management Institute, Lovre has helped schools around the country and globe navigate the aftermath of murders, suicides, school shootings and natural disasters. After such events, it’s the job of grown-ups to start those deep conversations, she says.
Too often, she sees the opposite at schools: adults stay silent or hope that “if the kids don’t bring it up, it’s OK.”
That reaction often comes from fear or paralysis, according to Lovre. “They’re not sure if they’ll make it worse. Schools have the notion that adults will have the answer whenever there’s a question.”
But by not addressing a tough situation, Lovre says adults miss an opportunity to help young people gain coping strategies and examine their values. To have healthy conversations, she recommends skipping obvious questions like “How do you feel” in favor of ones like “What does this situation mean to you?”
The shift can help educators find a starting place to support students. For instance, at one school Lovre worked with, a principal was considering installing a metal detector or hiring armed security for a few days after a ninth grade boy killed an eighth grade girl in a park behind the school.
“I suggested we talk with the kids instead of believing that what we think (is best) would work. Asking kids how they felt, the answer would be sad, angry, etc. But asking ’What does it mean that this boy could do this?’ brought out a huge range of issues that, once identified, we could address and often solve.”
“One girl said, ’I used to date him, so it means that I am never going to be able to tell whether a man is trustworthy. In order for me to feel safe, I want our PE teacher to bring in someone to teach all of us girls self-defense.’ “
Lovre also says schools should hold a parent meeting within a day or two of a violent or traumatic incident. At that meeting, administrators should encourage parents to be thoughtful in conversations with their children, and share what the school has done in classes.
Conestoga Valley and School District of Lancaster did not host parent nights after Mathewson’s death and the youth’s arrest. A Conestoga Valley representative said resources were sent to parents via email, including materials created by Lovre.
In addition to ongoing schoolwide responses after a crisis, John Baker says adults must be alert for students who haven’t processed the experience.
Baker heads up Intermediate Unit 13’s “flight team” - a specially trained group of counselors from Lancaster and Lebanon county schools that are on call in situations like Mathewson’s death. The team has been deployed anywhere from four to 16 times a year since it was created in 2007,
“The kid who comes down to the safe room and bawls their eyes out often is much better off than the student who doesn’t come down because it’s uncool,” says Baker.
Once the flight team and safe room disappear, the latter students are the ones to keep an eye on, he says.
Warning signs that a child or teen isn’t coping well can include withdrawal, isolation, nightmares - or flashbacks if a student witnessed violence, according to Ron Dahl, a therapist who treats adults and teens with trauma at his private practice in Lancaster.
“Any time’s a good time to take a professional just to talk to them,” says Dahl.
Sometimes, feelings of insecurity stemming from violence can be reduced by discussing facts, says Baker. Homicide and school shooting statistics are much lower than people typically think.
“You’re dealing with two things. One is perception, one is reality. You have to start peeling away perceptions.”
Whether it’s coming from a counselor, school personnel or a parent, the most important thing for kids to hear after a crisis is that adults are there for them, even if they don’t have all the answers, says Lovre.
“Even though you can look in the classrooms and see kids at their desks, looking like they’re studying, it isn’t all over. These events have lasting effects and often change the very fabric of school climate. By saying nothing, we imply that we accept that some kids will become shooters/killers and that’s just our new reality.”
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Information from: LNP, https://lancasteronline.com
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