OPINION:
“The Fat Man. Is he here?” — Joel Cairo, “The Maltese Falcon”
Yes he is, and he’s not hiding out looking for the Black Bird. The Washington Commanders’ new running back is ready to announce his presence with authority.
“I’m ready to get to work right now,” Penn State running back Kaytron Allen — just call him “Fat Man,” the nickname his mom gave him, he told reporters — said after being drafted in the sixth round by Washington. “I feel like I’m a competitor and me being in the room, I feel like it’s going to make everybody better for sure. And I just can’t wait to join Washington, man. It’s closer to the crib. I can’t wait, man. It’s a blessing, man. You feel me?”
From one Fat Man to another, I feel you brother.
The Commanders only had six picks in this year’s draft, but according to those who grade the future, they did very well trying to predict theirs. Football analyst Warren Sharp, for one, said Washington got more value out of its draft than any other team in the NFL.
Of course, we all know that nobody really knows anything about the future of these players in the NFL. Smart general managers have made decisions that looked brilliant on draft day, only to have them crash and burn — like Hall of Fame general manager Bobby Beathard and quarterback Ryan Leaf. It’s a crap shoot as much as it is a science.
But gambling on a sixth-round pick like Allen, who spent four seasons starting in the Penn State backfield — where Fat Man averaged better than five yards per carry and became the first player in program history to gain over 4,000 career rushing yards — is certainly worth it.
It certainly was worth it last year when they took a shot at another running back in the seventh round nicknamed “Bill” — real name Jacory Croskey-Merritt out of Arizona, who was the team’s leading rusher last season, with 805 yards and eight touchdowns on 175 carries.
Bill and the Fat Man — too bad Croskey-Merritt’s nickname wasn’t Jake, after the 1980s television show.
Both got their nicknames as children — “Bill” came from a children’s television show “Little Bill” that featured a character who, like a young Croskey-Merritt, was bald. Allen earned his because he was a fat baby.
He’s not fat anymore, but at 5-foot-11 and 216 pounds, he’s solid. As one gut-carrying member of the fraternity to another, you can tell Allen remains a Fat Man in spirit.
“That’s my nickname my mom gave me,” he said. “I was a fat baby and everybody in the town call me Fat Man and hopefully I keep it going in Washington. They call me Fat Man and when I score all you hear is Fat Man, you feel me? It is going to be something special, man. I can’t wait.
The Commanders draft took on a cinematic theme early when they selected Ohio State linebacker Sonny Styles with the seventh pick. From all accounts, he should be a force of nature on the field, added to a woeful defense that underwent a significant overhaul during free agency.
“As a player, sideline to sideline, he can blitz, he can cover, he can play in the box,” general manager Adam Peters said. “He got better as the year went on. He’s only been playing linebacker for two years, and he got better and better, and he played his best ball at the end of the year. So, he’s still just ascending.
Styles’ real name is Alexander Lee. His father nicknamed him Sonny as a child because he had a quick temper — like Santino “Sonny” Corleone from The Godfather, one of Don Corleone’s sons.
Washington should be happy his father didn’t name him Fredo.
They gave quarterback Jayden Daniels — who had been sending messages to Buckeyes wide receiver Carnell Tate telling him he hoped Washington would draft him (Tate was gone, picked No. 4 by the Tennessee Titans) — a receiver, picking Antonio Williams out of Clemson in the third round. But they went back to defense in the fifth round with edge rusher Joshua Josephs from Tennessee. Washington finished up with center Matt Gulbin from Michigan State and quarterback Athan Kaliakmanis out of Rutgers.
You can’t have enough quarterbacks, but that guy could use a nickname.
You would be hard-pressed to find one better than Fat Man.
“I feel like I can do everything as a running back,” he said. “I feel like people don’t respect it enough, but I feel like I can, strength, toughness, physicality, everything. I put everything into a running back that you need in the running back. I feel like I do that well and it is going to be on full display and I’m ready to go right now, man. I’m ready to play right now. Put the rock in my hands, I’m ready to go.”
To borrow a piece of a line from Lucky Ned Pepper in “True Grit” — that’s bold talk for a Fat Man.
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