They cram the mailbox this time of year, the jewel-colored envelopes as individual as snowflakes. There’s a photo card from your cousin. Her kids certainly have grown since last year. Simple. Cute.
There’s a Currier & Ives sleigh-ride design from your boss. Thoughtful.
Here’s a religious-toned card from your aunt. That’s nice.
This next one is fatter, but, alas, the bulk is not a gift card. You are the lucky recipient of a holiday letter, with the year’s events — from the momentous to the mundane — all there in black and white. The vacation, the broken leg, the promotions. The layoffs, the deaths, the disasters. The births and the bragging, the self-reflection and self-aggrandizement.
Even in this age of lightning-speed communication and blogging one’s every opinion, the holiday letter, for better or worse, endures. For some, it is a welcome gift, a throwback to a time when family news wasn’t sent in a batch e-mail. It’s lovely to settle in with a cup of tea and catch up with your old neighbors and West Coast cousin.
For others, it is a time-consuming and cringe-worthy missive that probably will head straight to the recycling bin. After, of course, the reader rolls her eyes.
“Anyone who sends me a Christmas letter is leaving themselves open to ridicule in my house,” says Reston.
One of the reasons for the ridicule is that the writer usually is lying, knows he or she is lying, and the reader knows he is lying, she says.
Facebook, she says, where so many people appear to be fun and witty. Really, it is just an exaggeration of their personality when they have the extra layer of protection that writing provides. People have long been more comfortable saying things in writing than they would in person.
“That’s always been true,” Ms. Baron says. “Look at ’Dear John’ letters or someone getting fired by e-mail or breaking up via text. The holiday letters I get, people brag about their kids, which they might do face to face. Bragging about yourself you might do in a letter, but you might not do it face to face.”
Ms. Baron says there are several reasons the tradition endures. First of all, the slow prose of an actual, detailed letter cannot be replaced with Twitter (a real-time online service where people write their thoughts in “Tweets” of 140 characters or fewer) or an instant message.
Ms. Baron says quick communication such as Facebook status updates or Twitter’s Tweets are used to narrate ongoing action, such as what one is thinking (“I wish it were summer”) or doing (“I am eating a turkey sandwich”). There is no room for a yearlong recap or heartfelt glad tidings.
“Those forms of communication don’t have the same content as a family letter,” she says. What often does have the same type of content is a blog.
“A lot of people use blogs in the same way they would a Christmas letter,” Ms. Baron says. “I have colleagues who moved abroad who update their adventures. It is kind of like a monthly Christmas letter.”
Still, there are those who appreciate getting actual postal mail. That goes for people in their 20s, too, Ms. Baron says.
“We’ve had this assumption for a few years that text messages, e-mail, etc., have replaced letters and that which you send in the mail and stamp is dead,” she says. “That is not true. A surprising number of my students say there is something special about getting a piece of mail and being able to put it on your fridge or mantel.”
What might lead to the eventual demise of Christmas letters is not boredom at having to read about your niece’s piano recital. The cost of postage and the green movement might be the death knell for all kinds of holiday letters and cards, Ms. Baron points out.
Several countries in United States follow? Possibly, Ms. Baron says. But more likely, as the cost of postage keeps rising, more people may rethink sending greetings through the mail.
However, that’s the talk of Christmas future. This is Christmas present, and, perhaps you are sitting down to write your annual letter, believing that everyone on your list thinks it a thrill to read about your cruise to the Bahamas and your award for Northeast Region Paint Salesman of the Year.
Emily Post Institute, says to keep in mind some basic rules.
• Are you reporting or bragging? “To some of us, our great accomplishment of the year looks like bragging,” she says. “But the truth is, you probably worked very hard for it. Think about having someone else read it over before you send it to see if you are coming off as bragging. You could also tone it down, and say, ’We are excited for Jimmy’s soccer team, which did really well this season,’ rather than detailing every individual statistic and goal.”
• Who is going to be reading it? If it is family and friends only, you can go into more detail. If it is co-workers and former co-workers, maybe think twice. Either edit the letter or edit your list.
• Stick to the happy. “This is a joyous time of year,” she says. “Even if sad things happened to you this year, keep them off this type of letter.” In this bleak economy, there is a good chance someone in the family has been laid off or is stressed at the thought of layoffs. Think twice about including sobering news. Similarly, there is such a thing as too much information when it comes to medical procedures, illness, aches and pains.
Then again, sometimes sad news is momentous news. How could you leave out that your husband was diagnosed with cancer? That mom died in April?
This is the time to be optimistic, to find the good in the foreclosure, the diagnosis and the general malaise.
“If you are going to include the bad stuff, then find something positive to say,” Ms. Baron says. “Finish with, ’In spite of this, we have so much to be grateful for.’”
Or, as Tiny Tim, he of the crutches and too little to eat on Christmas, said, “God bless us, everyone.”
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