BREITBART: The kids are all right
As the Republican blame game and political infighting rages with no end in sight, here’s an unorthodox fast-track plan for a full-scale GOP recovery in 2010.
The future of the Grand Old Party needs to be dangerously youthful, devastatingly attractive and outrageously fun.
Throw the liberal baby boomer bums out. And let’s elect to higher office some good-looking, freedom-loving Net Generation babes. Face it: Democracy needs a face-lift and a youth movement. (I’m from Los Angeles, what can I tell you?)
If you don’t believe me, check out my representative, Henry A. Waxman, California Democrat. Or worse, Google him. During Mr. Waxman’s 33-year congressional run, Hollywood has lost billions of dollars in productions to Canada and Mexico. And it’s not because of his tax policies alone.
With the economy in the pits, the young, the restless and unapologetically handsome should use their looks, vigor and Internet knowledge to wrest away elective office from joyless bureaucrats who gallingly repackaged the soiled utopian promises of their overly replayed Woodstock days as “hope” and “change.”
Those young adults who weren’t duped this time around can be at the forefront of cluing in their friends that were.
In Facebook I trust. Heroes coming back from war will lead the GOP resurgence. I like to call it the second Surge.
After bravely kicking al Qaeda out of Iraq, what better group than unapologetic military veterans to fumigate Congress of the “No, We Can’t” political mercenaries of George Soros who tried to sell them out at the hour of their greatest need?
The suburban Mall Rats will be the first Obamacons to come back to the fold when they realize that trickle-up socialism limits their lifestyle options. So let’s stop first at Abercrombie and Fitch. See those shirtless models in the storefront tossing footballs in the air?
There’s a better use of their time and efforts. Tanned, coiffed and seriously cut, these young studs could be tossing free-trade legislation across the halls of the Cannon House Office Building faster than you can Twitter “The Bella Twins.”
Just tell these $15-an-hour beefcakes there’s a Democrat standing between them and a $169,300 job - one that comes with a free gym membership even.
Now let’s head over to Hooters for a basket of buffalo wings and some electoral gender diversity. It’s a lot more wholesome than you’d think; it’s mostly hosiery, not skin.
Untested bodacious waitresses who can espouse the virtues of limited government, lower taxes and a strong national defense would serve our country with greater distinction than Reps. Loretta and Linda Sanchez, whose spending policies and no longer funny ineptitude will leave Generation Y dazed, confused - and bankrupt.
Imagine overtly attractive candidates marching door-to-door asking for your vote. You’d invite them in to deliver their pitch, right?