- The Washington Times - Sunday, April 5, 2009

The bankruptcy judge was none too pleased with Michael Vick’s plan to repay his creditors - which, from what I understand, involved “building hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place” and “landing on Community Chest.”

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According to court filings, Vick also hopes to earn $10 million a year playing football. Sounds a bit optimistic, sure, but included in the figure, presumably, are all the royalties from “Ron Mexico” jerseys.

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Something about me wishes an NFL team would sign Vick to a contract for “five years to life.”

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Of course, Michael wasn’t the only quarterback in the news last week. In Denver, Jay Cutler’s constant carping provoked management into trading him to the Bears for, among other things, two first-round picks. Too bad the deal couldn’t have been negotiated a few months earlier; Pat Bowlen might have gotten to fill Obama’s vacated Senate seat.

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Cutler, I didn’t realize until recently, was born in Santa Claus, Ind. Well, that explains his coolness in the pocket when the defense is Blitzen.

(Ho-ho-hold that line!)

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Had the Redskins made the swap for Cutler, by the way, here’s what it REALLY would have cost them: three No. 1s, two No. 3s and a No. 4. That’s because Denver wanted a quarterback as part of the package (though it reportedly wasn’t interested in Jason Campbell). And Dan Snyder, you may recall, gave up selections in the first, third and fourth rounds to move up in the ‘05 draft and get Campbell.

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Number of the Week: 8. (How many quarterbacks have won the Super Bowl for a club other than the one they broke in with in the NFL - in case the Bears are wondering.)

The list: Len Dawson, Earl Morrall, Jim Plunkett (two rings), Doug Williams, Steve Young, Brett Favre, Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson.

Three of those QBs, you’ll note, started out with the Bucs (Williams, Young and Dilfer).

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Words to live by (from Bowlen in his letter to Broncos fans):

“Understand this: it remains about team. Our franchise has gone to the Super Bowl six times, with three different coaches and with many different players. It has never been about one player, and it never will be. Coach [Josh] McDaniels shares this vision, and everyone in the organization - players, coaches and staff - must understand and accept this unconditionally. If anyone does not, that person will not be a part of this franchise.”

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They should hang a sign like that in every locker room in the league - except in places like Detroit, I mean, where they haven’t been to the Super Bowl.

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They could put it on the same wall with the signs that say “Don’t Bet on Games,” “Don’t Tackle with Your Helmet - Especially If the Person You’re Tackling Is Your Wife.”

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Bill Self is a fine fellow, don’t get me wrong, but voting any Kansas basketball coach as coach of the year is kinda like giving Bill Gates an honorary degree.

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I don’t care how many starters Self had to replace from last year’s championship team. He was replacing them with kids recruited by the University of Kansas, for goodness sakes.

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The real travesty, though, is that Duquesne’s Ron Everhart didn’t receive a single one of the 70-odd votes in the AP balloting. To refresh everyone’s memory, three years ago, right after Everhart took over the long-suffering program, five of his players were SHOT in an incident outside a school dance. And yet, he just led the Dukes to 21 wins - they had only three the season before he arrived - and the Atlantic 10 tournament final.

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But that’s nothing, according to AP’s voters, compared to the “miracles” Self, Rick Pitino and John Calipari performed this season.

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What’s a coach gotta do?

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Granted, it’s only the NIT, but it must have killed George Mason to see Penn State walk off with the championship the other night. The Colonials had the Nittany Lions down 65-62 in the first round with five seconds left - on the road, no less - only to have Talor Battle drain an improbable 3-pointer at the buzzer to send the game into overtime (where Mason lost). Nobody else in the tourney gave PSU nearly the trouble Jim Larranaga’s club did.

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You can understand why Allen Iverson was having trouble adjusting to his bench role in Detroit - that is, before the Pistons put him on the injured list for the rest of the season. If you’re not getting many minutes in games, all you feel like you’re doing is practicing. And we all know AI’s feelings on that subject:

“I ain’t above that at all, [but] we’re talking about practice. Not a game, not a game, not a game, but we’re talking about practice. Not a game that I go out there and die for and play every game like it’s my last, but we’re talking about practice, man. How silly is that?

“… I know it’s important, I honestly do, but we’re talking about practice. We’re talking about practice, man. We’re talking about practice. We’re talking about practice. We’re not talking about the game. We’re talking about practice.”

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Do you get the impression we’re talking about practice?

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Elsewhere in sports, NASCAR is close to moving its annual awards banquet to Las Vegas. Crazy, if you ask me. There’s nothing about Vegas that makes you think of auto racing - except for the Tunnel of Love Drive-Through Wedding Chapel.

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And finally…

Did you see Roger Federer get upset during a loss to Novak Djokovic on Friday and destroyed his racket?

That doesn’t sound like Federer, does it? It sounds like Fed-uperer.

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