OUT OF CONTEXT: I crashed the White House State Dinner, and all I got was a T-shirt and a lousy pict

The clips could be judged on the degree of difficulty involved in crashing particular types of parties. For instance:

• A 6-year-old’s birthday party. Degree of difficulty: 2

Most parents take caution in monitoring their children’s parties, but there are a few who don’t. (Jon Gosselin springs to mind.)

You lose points if you crash the party dressed as a clown, but gain points if you tie balloon animals into erotic shapes.

• A frat house kegger. Degree of difficulty: 3.5

Granted, frat houses aren’t anything like Fort Knox. But when they tap a keg, frat boys keep a close eye on who’s guzzling the free beer.

You lose points if you bring your own keg, but gain points if it’s full of root beer.

• A bash at the Playboy Mansion. Degree of difficulty: 7.2

In many ways, the Playboy Mansion is like Fort Knox — from the armed guards to secret vaults to the grotto full of bathing beauties. (No, I haven’t ever been to Fort Knox. Or the Playboy Mansion. How could you tell?)

No points if you look like Hugh Hefner. Just pity.

• A White House State Dinner. Degree of difficulty: 10

Let’s face it. With all of the White House’s high-tech equipment, the Secret Service’s eagle-eyed agents and the Obama administration’s conscientious vetting process, there’s no way you’re getting into a state dinner without an invitation.

Unless you say, “I’m with Joe!” and bring your own bottle. (By the way, when asked if you’re a terrorist, the polite answer is “No, they scare me.” The same answer is appreciated when asked if you’re a Republican.)

No points for saying you’re a big donor, but major points for wearing a tuxedo T-shirt.

• A soiree at Oprah Winfrey’s house. Degree of difficulty: 12

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