The clips could be judged on the degree of difficulty involved in crashing particular types of parties. For instance:
• A 6-year-old’s birthday party. Degree of difficulty: 2
Most parents take caution in monitoring their children’s parties, but there are a few who don’t. (Jon Gosselin springs to mind.)
You lose points if you crash the party dressed as a clown, but gain points if you tie balloon animals into erotic shapes.
• A frat house kegger. Degree of difficulty: 3.5
Granted, frat houses aren’t anything like Fort Knox. But when they tap a keg, frat boys keep a close eye on who’s guzzling the free beer.
You lose points if you bring your own keg, but gain points if it’s full of root beer.
• A bash at the Playboy Mansion. Degree of difficulty: 7.2
In many ways, the Playboy Mansion is like Fort Knox — from the armed guards to secret vaults to the grotto full of bathing beauties. (No, I haven’t ever been to Fort Knox. Or the Playboy Mansion. How could you tell?)
No points if you look like Hugh Hefner. Just pity.
• A White House State Dinner. Degree of difficulty: 10
Let’s face it. With all of the White House’s high-tech equipment, the Secret Service’s eagle-eyed agents and the Obama administration’s conscientious vetting process, there’s no way you’re getting into a state dinner without an invitation.
Unless you say, “I’m with Joe!” and bring your own bottle. (By the way, when asked if you’re a terrorist, the polite answer is “No, they scare me.” The same answer is appreciated when asked if you’re a Republican.)
No points for saying you’re a big donor, but major points for wearing a tuxedo T-shirt.
• A soiree at Oprah Winfrey’s house. Degree of difficulty: 12View Entire Story
Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...
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