Top 5: Ways for Donald Trump to make Miss USA relevant again

Donald Trump decided this week that Miss California, Carrie Prejean, could keep her crown — despite having posed for topless photos and campaigned against gay marriage without pageant permission. The Donald declared that the headlines generated when Miss Prejean said she lost the Miss USA title after judge Perez Hilton asked her views on gay marriage proved the pageant was “so relevant.”

1. Make Simon Cowell a judge — Everything the producer touches turns to gold. Witness “American Idol’s” unstoppable reign at the top of the ratings. And the pull-no-punches judge could provoke more camera-ready tears than even Mr. Hilton.

2. Involve Sarah Palin — Or any member of her extended family. America can’t get enough of the family saga, which includes sex, drugs and moose hunting. Reporters even angled for time with her husband, Todd, when he replaced Gov. Palin at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The pair know a thing or two about looking good while courting controversy.

3. Get them vaccinated — Once a swine-flu vaccine is released, the televised pageant could do a public service by making the competitors show off their needle marks along with everything else during the much-ogled swimsuit competition.

4. Look for America’s Susan Boyle — The spinster Scottish songbird proved that true beauty doesn’t always come in a pretty package — which seems to be even more “relevant.” Five million people watched the Miss USA pageant, but 100 million saw Miss Boyle on YouTube.

5. Keep asking the tough questions — Don’t stop at gay marriage. Why not ask what the lovely ladies would do to solve the economic crisis. Given the continuing bad news, it seems their guess is as good as the experts’.