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OUT OF CONTEXT: If you find a bag of cash, give it to me. I’m calling dibs.
Our daughter, who is 21 and living with us as she attends graduate school, shares her mother’s sense of independence and self-sufficiency. She works every day and goes to school at night.
All in all, they are two fine examples of modern womanhood. Most times, I don’t think they need me. Except in times like this.
Because perched high on the living room wall near the ceiling was the thing that had turned my wife and our daughter into a pair of cowering damsels in distress for the past 30 minutes.
And I am … “The Bug Killer.”
“It looks like a piece of dust to me,” I said.
“It’s not!” my daughter shot back. “It’s creepy and crawly, with lots of legs. We saw it crawling on the wall.”
I looked at it again. “Well, it looks like it died in a piece of dust on the wall.”
“Don’t talk about it! Do something!” (I’m not sure which one of them said that.)
I looked around the living room for something to stand on to reach the bug, and my daughter decided to leave the room, ostensibly to empty the trash cans around the house, but I suspect she had another reason. Escape.
You see, even though I am “The Bug Killer,” I have been known to show off the captured insect before depositing it in a deep trash bin or flushing it down a toilet.
I’ve been accused of trying to “scare” people with the bugs I catch, but I assure you that my motives are pure. I simply want to show them that the bug has been nabbed and there’s no need for any more upset. (Although a little more upset usually makes me laugh. And if you run, I’ll chase you.)
So I balanced atop a piece of furniture as my wife watched my every move, not out of concern that I might fall but that I might miss the bug, which would then start crawling across the wall again.
Just as I reached out to catch the creepy-crawler, my daughter screamed downstairs.
About the Author
Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...
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