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Taking to Twitter: Everybody’s Oscar night in 140 characters
From the random salute to James Bond to the non-sequiturial "Chicago" revival to Seth MacFarlane's predictably fratty but unpredictably tedious stint as a host — dear Rob Lowe and Snow White: All is forgiven — this year's Oscars were even more tumefied and wearisome than usual.
Thank goodness for Twitter.
Once upon a time, viewers had to endure Hollywood's big night of bloated self-celebration in relative silence. No longer. Thanks to the popular social media service, the Academy Awards are the target of a snarky, catty and altogether delightful virtual peanut gallery, a flurry of quips and wisecracks that typically are more amusing than the show itself. Particularly when Mr. MacFarlane is hosting, actress Kristen Stewart is sulking and actor Russell Crowe — God bless his bulldogish effort — is signing Broadway show tunes. Herein, our favorite Oscar Tweets:
The red carpet
• From actress/comedian Sandra Bernhard, @SandraBernhard: "Your dress will be beautiful when it's finished."
• From writer Tad Friend, @tadfriend: "Halle Berry came as an art deco theater"
• From comedian Erikka Innes, @nerdgirlcomedy: "Re: Anne Hathaway's dress... IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES TIL SOMEONE LOSES AN EYE"
• From Atlantic Wire writer Richard Lawson, @rilaws: "George Clooney is starting to look like a small college theater professor."
• From anonymous humor writer Pour Me Coffee, @pourmecoffee: "In Hell, Ryan Seacrest interviews your tormentors in front of you before they begin."
• From writer/critic Matt Singer, @mattsinger: "As an actor, Robert De Niro can play almost anything except interest in an interviewer's questions."
• From Harper's Bazaar editor Laura Brown, @laurabrown99: "What happens when Kristen Chenoweth sucks on a helium balloon?"
• From Breitbart.com writer Ben Shapiro, @benshapiro: "'Zero Dark Thirty': This is the weekend Obama didn't play golf #AlternativeMovieSlogans"
• From New York Times writer Dave Itzkoff, @ditzkoff: "The people of South Africa are going to be so thrilled to see #OscarMystery trending."
The opening number
• From Time Out NY film editor David Fear, @davidlfear: "So wait, Peter Brady is hosting the Oscars?"
• From basketball writer Bethlehem Shoals, @freedarko: "I would hire Seth MacFarlane to do some voiceover work if I were making something I hated."
• From Mr. Itzkoff: "'There's no wrong answers in brainstorming' — someone who hasn't seen this year's Oscars opening yet"
• From Mr. Lawson: "The best thing about Seth MacFarlane is that you can never tell when he's setting up a joke. The guy is seamless."
• From Atlantic Wire writer Jen Doll, @thisisjendoll: "real words said in my apartment: 'i miss Billy Crystal' "
• From film critic Lou Lumenick @LouLumenick: "Rob Lowe has sent MacFarlane a thank-you note for the boobs song."
• From humorist Lee Papa, @rudepundit: "Tonight, we are all Tommy Lee Jones."
The 'Jaws' cut-off music
• From screenwriter/playwright Patrick Hume, @patrickhume: "Playing people off to "Jaws" is a snarky joke you make on Twitter, not something you actually do."
• From advertiser/cultural blogger Rick Liebling, @RickLiebling: "The next guy who goes long should get either Keyboard Cat or the 'whee whee whee' from the Psycho shower scene."
• From Oscar-winning actor Richard Dreyfuss, @RichardDreyfuss: "I always dreamed that the score of one of my films would be used to play people off at the Oscars. We did it, Steven!"
• From anonymous Twitter poster The Happy Feminist, @HappyFeminist: "What would have made Jaws cutoff perfect was having 70s SNL landshark come out and tackle the guy."
The show, part I
• From Wall Street Journal columnist Jason Gay, @jasonWSJ: "I would say I feel bad that Robert DeNiro has to sit there for two more hours, but I saw 'Meet the Fockers.' "
• From Thinkprogress writer Zack Beauchamp, @zackbeauchamp: "On a scale of one to Wille Nelson, how high are Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy?"
• From the website TVWithoutPity, @TVWithoutPity: "#ChristophWaltz has now won more #Oscars for Tarantino movies than Quentin Tarantino. Though the night is young."
• From Grantland writer Brian Phillips, @runofplay: "I don't THINK I've seen Christoph Waltz's boobs, but I'm writing an exploratory ballad to find out."
• From author Walter Kirn, @walterkirn: "The worst is when the stars cover their faces with their hands while laughing to hide the fact that they aren't really laughing"
• From author Joyce Carol Oates, @JoyceCarolOates: "Should initiate a tradition in which losers bitterly denounce associates ... family & God who'd botched their chances."
• From Esquire writer Chris Jones, @MySecondEmpire: "This cinematography guy is like what would happen if Robert Downey Jr. had played Gandalf."
• From GQ magazine editor Devin Gordon, @Devingo913: "To all the people complaining that these Oscars are awful so far: have you never watched the Oscars before?"
The Bond tribute
• From Deadspin writer Timothy Burke, @bubbaprog: "If you had never seen a Bond movie & watched that montage, you'd think the franchise a cheap A-Team knockoff."
• From magazine editor Evie Nagy, @EvieN: "I will now judge everything on a scale of Seth MacFarlane to Shirley Bassey."
• From Huffington Post writer Mike Ryan, @mikeryan: "Somewhere, a-Ha are sitting by their phones, 'they still might want us to sing The Living Daylights; they could still call, fellas.' "
The show, part II
• From Salon writer Alex Pareene, @pareene: "OK OSCARS I'LL TELL YOU ABU AHMED'S REAL NAME"
• From New York magazine film critic Bilge Ebiri, @BilgeEbiri: "Travolta: Now we know what happened to Anne Hathaway's hair."
• From television writer Ali Adler, @AliAdler: "Oh look it's a candle made out of John Travolta."
• From writer Matt Roller, @rolldiggity: "'Nothing good happened this year!' 'Let's just redo Chicago?' — Oscars Musical Producers"
• From comedian/author John Hodgman, @hodgman: "What category is this oscar tie for again? Luxurious hair on dudes?"
• From "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" writer Mike Drucker, @MikeDrucker: "The music director of this year's Oscars is just the 'Movie Theme' Pandora Radio station."
• From anonymous account "waffles+falafels," @wafflesgirls: "OMG ANNE HATHAWAY JUST WENT POLITICAL. here's hoping her words help fix the socio-economic issues of 19th century france"
• From Gawker writer "Mobutu Sese Seko," @Mobute: "Man, Daniel Day Lewis. It's gotta be awkward for Seth MacFarlane to have to follow someone who told a lot of good, effortless jokes."
• From New York Post columnist John Podhoretz, @jpodhoretz: "Memo to Tony Kushner: Should have used n word 109 times."
• From Slate writer Dana Stevens, @thehighsign: "You wear a brocaded Christo wrapping to the Oscars, you're going to trip on the stairs. She looks beautiful though. Mazel Tov."
• From actor/comedian John Fugelsang, @JohnFugelsang: "Rush Limbaugh just saw Michelle Obama give #oscars2013 best picture to a film where the heroes are Canada, Hollywood & Jimmy Carter."
• From hockey blogger Sean McIndoe, @DownGoesBrown: "So Canada does all the work and then America gets the trophy at the end. 'Argo' is basically an NHL season."
• From New York Post film critic Lou Lumenick, @LouLumenick: "OK, I guess we can officially forgive GIGLI, SURVIVING CHRISTMAS, PEARL HARBOR, THE SUM OF ALL FEARS, REINDEER GAMES ..."
• From Buzzfeed writer Andrew Kaczynski, @BuzzFeedAndrew: "Argo would never have happened after the sequester."
• From Sports Illustrated writer Richard Deitsch, @richarddeitsch: "Watching this final Oscar number, I now know what the people in Argo felt like."
• From Chicago Tribune film critic Michael Phillips, @phillipstribune: "ARGO, fete yourself. And to all a good night."
• From the Twitter account for folk-rock band The Mountain Goats, @mountain_goats: "'Did you see all those angry tweets from people who kept right on watching? Kick [expletive], let's do this again next year' — the Academy"
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About the Author
Patrick Hruby is an award-winning journalist who holds degrees from Georgetown and Northwestern. He also contributes to ESPN.com and The Atlantic Online, and his work has been featured in The Best American Sports Writing. Follow him on Twitter (@patrick_hruby) and contact him at PatrickHruby.net.
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