- The Washington Times - Tuesday, June 18, 2013

As a Foodbeast blogger painfully discovered last week, the beloved cereal mascot Cap’n Crunch is not really a captain at all, he’s a mere commander.

The Cap’n’s uniform displays only three gold stripes on the cuffs — the marks of a lower-ranking commander — while a naval Captain would traditionally wear four stripes.

CNN reported on the stunning revelation and a Buzzfeed blogger even accused the Cap’n’ (full name: Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch) as a traitor to the U.S. government, before the toon took to Twitter to defend the fraudulence.

“All hearsay & misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap’n. #CrunchatizingRumors,” @RealCapnCrunch tweeted Monday morning.

As Gawker points out, being in command of any seafaring vessel automatically entitles one to be called “captain,” irrespective of rank.

“So much fuss about my name. O, be some other name. What’s in a name? That which we call Cap’n Crunch, by any other name would taste as sweet,” the cereal mascot said today.