- The Washington Times - Thursday, April 6, 2000

Mind your noodle

How many times did your parents remind you as a child not to point your toy rifle at your sister?

And never, they said, under any circumstances, if you ever want to be president of the United States, let anybody ever see you point a rifle at yourself.

Vice President Al Gore apparently didn't get the message growing up on that farm in Tennessee. Still, with seven months left to go before election day, it's not too late.

If Mr. Gore asks, the National Rifle Association would gladly enroll him in an NRA gun-safety course, perhaps before too many voters see today's photograph and start asking questions.

Here we find Mr. Gore, recently graduated from Harvard in 1969, preparing for a maneuver in Vietnam. The son of a Tennessee senator, Mr. Gore spent most of his 'Nam days far from the jungle, behind a typewriter.

This, apparently, was not one of those days.

Yesterday's briefing

Reporter: Why is the president going to Chappaqua [N.Y.] tonight?

White House spokesman Joe Lockhart: He's going to spend a little bit of time at his now not-so-new house and continue the process of getting that house in the order they would like it to be in.

Reporter: Is anybody meeting him there?

Mr. Lockhart: Not that I'm aware of.

Reporter: Will the first lady be there?

Mr. Lockhart: Yeah.

Reporter: You mean he just had some chores up there?

Hillary's burden

Let's check in with Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign in New York, to hear the Democratic Senate hopeful claim that, as candidates, "there are extra burdens that women face around the country."

That's not what the 3,300 women who hold elected office in New York 2,200 Republicans and 1,100 Democrats wanted to hear.

"Every woman knows that raising a family and having a career is challenging, but nobody told Mrs. Clinton she had to run for U.S. Senate it was her choice," reacts state Rep. Fran Sullivan, Oswego Republican.

Abortion aside

When discussing the race for the White House, Ellen Malcolm, president of EMILY's List the political network for pro-choice Democratic women says "women are going to decide this election, and Gore is gaining their confidence."

You mean even after former Democratic presidential candidate Bill Bradley, during the recent New Hampshire debates, called attention to Mr. Gore's "flip-flopping" on abortion?

Well, Miss Malcolm says, "education" and not abortion is "solidly" the most important issue for women voters.

"George Bush is working hard to convince voters he is the stronger candidate on education, but voter's aren't buying his positions," she says.

As for abortion, the record shows that Mr. Gore, from 1977 to 1984, supported the position of the National Abortion Rights Action League only 20 percent of the time. And in 1984, Mr. Gore voted for an amendment offered by Rep. Mark Siljander, Michigan Republican, declaring "the term 'person' shall include unborn children from the moment of conception."

Mission of death

No one is more politically correct.

No one has the power of his compassion.

No one's heart bleeds more profusely.

Yes, we're referring to the adventures of "Liberal Man: Final Mission" a trade paperback (Sharkbait Press) combining the best of the 10-issue comic-book series with all-new material, sending Liberal Man on a final mission of death.

"A favorite project of mine," author Marcus P. Meleton Jr. tells Inside the Beltway. "Liberal Man is what I call a Dudley-do-left. His intentions are good; the results are a disaster, yet he never learns from his mistakes."

Even James Carville has been a fan of the Liberal Man series, telling this newspaper after being featured in one of the cartoons: "I got a kick out of it. It's more creative … but at least I grew hair."

Formal release of the long-awaited finale of Liberal Man is next month, although the 168-page thriller is available for reserve orders now through Amazon.com. Price $14.95.

Blank like me

Time and again, the Clinton administration has preached for Americans to be color blind.

Well, master limerick author F.R. Duplantier, director of America's Future, was just that when filling out his 2000 Census form no doubt to Uncle Sam's chagrin.

Census takers who tally my head

Will not know if I'm black, white, or red:

Because, in the space

Designated for race,

I inscribed the word "human" instead.

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