- The Washington Times - Friday, May 3, 2002

Missing in Washington

Kristinn Taylor, one of the organizers of the recent "Patriots Rally for America" held on the grounds of the Washington Monument in support of America and its troops, wrote a letter to D.C. Police Chief Charles H. Ramsey commending him and Metropolitan Police for a job well done in keeping the city safe from left-leaning counterdemonstrators.

However, as Miss Taylor pointed out in her letter, a co-organizer of the Patriots Rally had a truck towed by police from a legal parking space along Constitution Avenue "and the truck is now missing and unaccounted for."

"As a resident of the District, it pains me to have to explain yet again to a neighbor of this city the irresponsible actions of the D.C. government," Miss Taylor wrote to the chief. "It is actions like this that hurt this city's reputation and continue to make it a laughingstock to the rest of the nation, and indeed the world.

"Please help to find my friend's truck: It is a black 1993 King Cab pickup, Maryland tag #59G-593, with Department of Defense parking stickers on the windshield and a 'Maryland #1 in Robbery Blame Glendening & Townsend' bumper sticker on the rear window."

A short time later, Chief Ramsey personally wrote back: "Your friend may begin by calling our Tele-Communications Branch on 202-727-2226. Advise your friend to have all vehicle descriptive and registration information availble to assist in checking for a log of the vehicle's relocation."

Wouldn't you know, the communications branch phone number provided by the police chief "is not in service."

Everybody wins

Congratulations to the U.S. Navy, overall team winner of this week's SGMA (Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association) Capital Challenge race through Washington, where representatives of the media, military, House and Senate, and executive and judicial branches enter five-person running teams.

Come to think of it, congratulations to The Washington Times, voted the best-named team: "Feet Based Initiative." Second best was "All's Ferren Law & Racing," a fast bunch belonging to D.C. Court of Appeals Judge John Ferren; while third-place honors went to the "Mizzippy Runners" from the office of Mississippi Sen. Thad Cochran.

Worst-named teams?

Overall winners, er, losers were "We've Got the Runs," traced to Republican Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, followed by Business Week's "Business Weak," and last but not least, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms' "Guns 'R' Us."

'Who am I?'

Inside the Beltway's new reader's contest to recall some of the most memorable political quotes of all time has gotten off to a spirited start (apart from the otherwise-observant editor at this newspaper who incorrectly changed the title of the contest prize, political satirist Jim Wrenn's "Clinton Liebrary Book" not library book).

Here's a few of our favorite entries thus far:

"We're going to push through health care, regardless of the views of the American people." Sen. John D. Rockefeller IV, June 1994

"Who am I? Why am I here?" Vice presidential hopeful Adm. James Stockdale's opening statement at the Oct. 13, 1992, Gore-Quayle-Stockdale debate

"I didn't have my hearing aid turned on." Explanation by Adm. James Stockdale during the same debate.

"I'll keep getting elected as long as they don't catch me in bed with a live boy or a dead girl." former Louisiana Gov. Edwin Edwards

"I understand that the press sometimes has to put politicians under a microscope. But when they use a proctoscope, that's going too far." Richard M. Nixon

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" Ronald Reagan

"She's not your garden-variety lesbian." Sen. Jesse Helms of North Carolina

"If it wasn't for the murders, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates." former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry

"Sometimes, when I look at all my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin.'" Lillian Carter

"We are getting into semantics again. If we use words, there is a very grave danger they will be misinterpreted." H.R. Haldeman

In closing

We're told BeDuCi Restaurant on P Street NW is creating its own Jockey Club room, furnishing it with original tablecloths and dishes from the old Jockey Club, which for four decades catered to eight presidents and countless dignitaries, celebrities and ordinary Washingtonians.

Also, we failed to write in yesterday's column that former FBI Assistant Director W. Mark Felt, originally convicted for authorizing warrantless break-ins in 1972 and 1973, was ultimately pardoned by President Reagan and had his indictment dismissed.

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