Officials park easy with mayor in driver’s seat

The District’s mayor has picked a convenient time to defend the parking-ticket exemptions of the D.C. Council.

He is seeking to build a $340 million ballpark with public funds and needs the full support of the D.C. Council.

So council members can park wherever they like.

The mayor understands their plight.

Consider him enlightened after he questioned the passage of the exemption in July 2002 and the council’s method of burying it in a pile of eye-glazing print.

The council members are busy folks. They are doing the people’s business. Unlike the masses they represent, they should not have to circle around a block in search of a parking space or pay stickup prices at a lot or in a garage.

Look, council member, there is an open space right there, in a bus zone. See how easy that was? Look, council member, there is another spot, a stretch of curb by an intersection. No problem. Pull right in there, council member, and have a very nice day.

It sure is great to be a council member and not have to play by the rules the council imposes on others. It sure must be great to pull in front of a parking meter and not have to feed it all your spare change.

That must be one of those idyllic places that children imagine.

No feeding the parking meter. No dealing with the zealous parking-enforcement brigade.

What a wonderful place that is, a no-hassle parking place. Close your eyes. Do you feel a warm glow washing over your face? The council members feel that warm glow each day.

Their powerful perk makes all the political headaches worthwhile.

Parking is only the No. 1 racket in the city. It is only one of those aggravating functions that can spoil even the brightest moods.

Parking is the curse that rarely takes a holiday, as city officials have elevated it into a coffer-filling industry.

You have city employees who work the streets with a measuring tape in hand, checking the distance between the curb and the tire of a vehicle. You have city employees who count down the seconds on a parking meter, waiting for the precise moment that signals a need to exercise their writing hand. You have city employees who hide behind trees and bushes to nab a parking bandit.

The city employs 32,000 people, 30,000 of whom write parking tickets. Or so it seems.

You can steal cars and go joy riding in the city. That is not a problem. Your chances of being apprehended are slight. But if you overstay your parking limit by five seconds, you are in big trouble.

The ticket-writer does not want to hear about your problems. OK, you got mugged and it caused you to be late. Tough. We all get mugged sometimes. It was just your unlucky day. You still have to obey the law. You know the deal: Two wrongs do not make a right.

No, the council members do not have these worries.

They see a line of tow-truck operators removing cars as soon as they are parked, and they are able to laugh. They see the dreaded “boot” being placed on every other vehicle on a given street, and they consider it a public service.

The most efficient way to reach those souls who have allowed their parking fines to accumulate is with a boot on the tire. It never fails. The city whips out the boot, and the victim whips out a credit card. It is a beautiful process.

We can thank our city leaders for that.

They want to feel our pain. They just don’t want to have to live our pain.

You understand. Council members need their flexibility, if only to have the necessary time to push more legislation that increases the parking revenue stream.

The mayor now can relate to the do-as-I-say, don’t-do-as-I-do form of governance. He has a ballpark to build, and he can be nice to the council members if they are nice to him.

Parking? That is your daily concern, evidence that you live in a small world.

The mayor and the council members have more important matters to ponder.