Taking Names

Staying split

Count ABBA out of the greedy-reunion sweepstakes.

The jumpsuited Swedish superstars, who won the Eurovision song contest with “Waterloo” 30 years ago yesterday, refuse to reunite — not even for the outrageous sum of $2 billion.

Four years ago, says 58-year-old ABBA vet Bjorn Ulvaeus, the band was offered $1 billion to reunite. The answer was no. If the offer were doubled?

“No, not even if you did that,” Mr. Ulvaeus told Reuters News Agency.

“It is never going to happen again. I think it is a bit too long now. We split up in 1981. People haven’t seen us as a group since then, and it would come as such a disappointment to them.”

At least we have “Mamma Mia!”

Big payday

Guadalupe Lopez won’t be needing her daughter’s money anymore.

Jennifer Lopez’s mom, a retired New York kindergarten teacher, scooped up a $2.4 million jackpot playing slot machines in Atlantic City, N.J., Reuters reports.

Guadalupe Lopez, 58, hit it big off a $3 bet on a “Wheel of Fortune” slot machine at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa on Saturday night, a representative of her singer-actress daughter confirmed yesterday.

The haul represented a record slots payout at the Borgata, which opened in July.

’Honest’ work

Monica Bellucci, who plays Mary Magdalene in “The Passion of the Christ,” defended Mel Gibson’s film in Rome this week but said flatly it’s not appropriate for children.

“Gibson wanted to recount the last 12 hours of Jesus, and the last 12 hours were very violent, so it couldn’t have been any different,” Miss Bellucci told Italian state television in an interview shown Monday.

“Right or not, he made an honest film,” the 35-year-old actress said.

Loving laughs

Bruce Willis got rich playing action heroes, but the “Moonlighting” actor says he has always been a comedian at heart.

He reprises the role of hit man Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski this Friday in “The Whole Ten Yards,” in which he dons an apron and bunny slippers and cries like a baby.

Mr. Willis told Associated Press: “If I could paint, I would paint. If I could sculpt, I would do that. I’ve always had this thing in me. It’s probably genetic, some misfiring of some synapses up here, that just makes me want to make people laugh.”

Sent packing

Tomi Rae Brown just got booted off hubby James Brown’s Australian tour, but she’s standing by her man.

Mr. Brown sent her packing, AP reports, because of a claim that she was still married to another man when she wed the Godfather of Soul.

Her explanation: It was a green-card marriage, and she didn’t know it. “That was an illegal marriage that lasted for three days and was annulled,” she told the Augusta Chronicle.

Mrs. Brown is also embarrassed by her husband’s infamous mug shot, taken in January when he was arrested for domestic violence.

“I tried to give the police a comb for him,” she said. “I asked them to let me put him in some clean clothes. I asked them not to take the Godfather out looking like that.”

Rehab headache

Wilco lead singer Jeff Tweedy is checking into rehab to lick an addiction to painkillers, a spokesperson told Billboard.com.

“The treatment follows a well-documented history of Tweedy’s battle with migraine headaches,” according to a statement released by the Chicago group.

The release of Wilco’s forthcoming album, “A Ghost Is Born,” has been moved from June 8 to June 22 “to accommodate recovery.”

Compiled by Scott Galupo from wire reports.