‘Ten Yards’ of disappointment

Who besides a few Hollywood bottom-liners lobbied for this flat, gratuitous sequel?

In 2000, “The Whole Nine Yards” racked up a respectable but south-of-stellar $57 million. It made its money back pretty quickly and allowed its producers and marquee star Bruce Willis to walk away with a decent profit and dignity intact.

That should have been enough. But no.

“The Whole Ten Yards” reunites the oil-and-water duo of Mr. Willis’ Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski, a professional killer, and soon-to-be-unemployed “Friends” star Matthew Perry’s Nicholas “Oz” Oseransky, a bourgeois dentist.

Jimmy and Oz, “Nine”-ers will remember, are ex-neighbors who got mixed up with Hungarian mafiosi.

The mayhem of “Nine” behind them, Jimmy and Oz pair up again in Mexico, where the former is attempting low-profile domesticity with new wife (Oz’s old dental aide), Jill St. Claire (Amanda Peet), a trained contract killer herself, but one with a shameful lack of victims on her resume.

Oz, a flaming paranoiac since living through “Nine,” has his worst fears confirmed, as the Hungarians, led by a heavily costumed Kevin Pollakin a ridiculous accent, kidnap his wife (Jimmy’s ex), Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), to avenge the loss of a son in “Nine.”

Instead of calling the feds, as he should, Oz turns to Jimmy, who jumps at the chance for a triumphant return to Southern California, and off we go again on another round robin of double-crossing and double-dealing.

Director Howard Deutch must have a reputation in the industry for accepting sequel jobs. He was tapped in 1995 for a “Grumpy Old Men” follow-up and helmed 1998’s desperate “Odd Couple” redux.

Magic-bottlers like these necessarily have a hard time equaling the success of their predecessors. If “Nine” had any magic at all, I suppose it is reproduced here.

George Gallo, the screenwriter, has a deft touch for comedic crime capers (“Wise Guys,” “Midnight Run,” “Bad Boys”) but mails in this retread.

I’ll admit the Willis-Perry duo — the tough guy and the milquetoast — has its moments, and Miss Peet, who has yet to find a part that suits her talent, has winning charisma.

But isn’t it just a little too cheap, say, to toss Mr. Perry and Mr. Willis in bed together after a night of heavy drinking and score the easy homophobia gag?

Mr. Gallo also forces a parallel story line in which both couples are trying to start families. As though we’re supposed to feel sentimental about these characters in between assassinations.

“The Whole Ten Yards” paints by its own numbers. Problem is, those aren’t very good numbers.

*1/2

TITLE: “The Whole Ten Yards”

RATING: PG-13 (Profanity; action violence; sexuality; partial nudity)

CREDITS: Directed by Howard Deutch. Story and characters by Mitchell Kapner. Screenplay by George Gallo. Cinematography by Neil Roach.

RUNNING TIME: 99 minutes.

WEB SITE: https://thewholetenyards.warnerbros.com

MAXIMUM RATING: FOUR STARS