- The Washington Times - Monday, August 8, 2005

Perhaps Myles Brand allowed a tear to run down his cheek after dancing with the Indian nicknames and mascots in his midst.

His pretense is in the company of the Hollywood Indian of Italian descent who appeared in the “Keep America Beautiful” commercial of the ‘70s, shown with a tear after he sees the garbage-strewn waterway and landscape.

There is something disingenuous about it all, almost in the manner of Ward Churchill, the wannabe Indian of Boulder, Colo., who plays his dark scholarship merely for effect.

One of the problems with finding fault in the Utes is that you are obligated to find fault in Utah as well, if only to be consistent with your ultra-sensitivity.

Utah is a word taken from the Ute tribe, meaning “people of the mountains,” which is an affront to all the hard-working hillbillies in America and nothing against those who decorate their lawns with a massive satellite dish.

Being acutely sensitive has become a cottage industry in America, no matter how misplaced and misguided the tripe often is.

Maybe that is destined to be Oprah’s legacy, for few emote as well as her.

There rarely is a dry eye in Oprah’s house, barring the time mental health expert Tom Cruise was jumping all around the studio set, expressing devotion to the latest squeeze in his life before skeptical eyes.

Brand objects for those who do not object.

The genuine Seminoles have voiced their approval of Florida State’s Chief Osceola.

Yet Brand and his band of highly trained emotionalists veer from the tribal line, which is a fairly impressive academic trick. The Seminoles are just not deep enough to understand the psychologically scarring impact of Chief Osceola atop a horse.

Someone in the NCAA’s wing of diversity and inclusion — yes, there is such a thing — insists not all the Seminoles approve of Chief Osceola. That just goes to show you the Seminoles are like all the rest of us. No tribe or family agrees en masse.

All this hand-wringing certainly puts Indiana in a tough spot.

There is a lot of cleaning up to do in that state, which is hardly the land of the Indians today.

There are so many Indian-based names in America that it is difficult to ferret out the most objectionable of the lot.

After all, one person’s bad means good and vice-versa.

That no doubt explains Jane Fonda’s politically incorrect tomahawk chop back in the day of Ted Turner and the Braves.

Hers was a tomahawk chop made with the hand, no physical harm intended, not unlike her stint behind the crosshairs of a North Vietnam anti-aircraft gun.

The sensitivity game is exhausting work, if not forevermore. The fighting in nicknames has to stop.

In a more perfect world, Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish would be the Give Peace a Chance Irish.

The moniker possibly would dissuade certain recruits from attending this otherwise fine institution, but a larger purpose would be served.

There also is no need to call the athletes of the University of North Dakota the Fighting Sioux. They easily could be called the At One With Nature Sioux or the Eco-Friendly Sioux or just leave the Sioux out of it all together.

Sioux Falls, S.D., is another issue.

The Fighting This or That is intended to inspire to fear in opponents, which is not really nice.

The University of Maryland should rethink its Fear the Turtle advertising campaign.

We should Love the Turtle, Respect the Turtle, Embrace the Turtle, not Fear It, because turtles do not really bother anyone.

Kevin Costner, the esteemed Hollywood historian, taught us about Indian ways in his highly acclaimed “Dances with Bull Durham.”

There was no firewater or fork tongue in his revealing flick, only a bunch of scruffy-looking men in blue uniforms who had bad attitudes because of poor dental hygiene.

Brand’s enlightened coterie has spoken on the horror of the Central Michigan Chippewas.

We now await word on the equally chilling Blue Devils of Duke.

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