- The Washington Times - Sunday, February 5, 2006

DETROIT.

Think I’ll get a bet down on the Lingerie Bowl. Anybody know the over-underwear?

• • •

It would make my Super Sunday, it really would, if somebody sneaked a Canadian coin into the pregame flip.

• • •



Or at least a casino token from Ontario.

• • •

Frankly, I’m surprised Detroit wanted this Super Bowl. I mean, XL sounds an awful lot like Edsel.

• • •

The main media hotel here is the Marriott Renaissance Center. By “Renaissance,” I’m assuming they mean it’s comfortable by 16th century standards.

• • •

By the way, the gruel last night was excellent.

• • •

So was the mead I washed it down with.

• • •

Wench, another tankard!

• • •

You know, I’m pretty sure the Rolling Stones, who are providing the halftime entertainment, had their first hit in the 16th century.

• • •

In fact, a lot of people don’t know this, but the Stones also played at halftime of the Protestant Reformation.

• • •

This humanitarian trip Mike Holmgren’s wife and daughter are taking to Africa sounds pretty perilous. During their three-day journey to a remote area of the Congo, a report says, “the team will travel over marginal roads that narrow to near nonexistence, wade through streams and cross rough-hewn and often improvised bridges.”

You know, the Redskins offense had a game kinda like that against Tampa Bay in the playoffs.

• • •

The cleverest Super Bowl prediction comes from Matt Sussman, who writes a blog at futonreport.net (and was “discovered” by the all-seeing Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times). Sussman envisions a 21-20 Seahawks victory — based on the Scrabble value of the two starting quarterbacks, Hasselbeck (21 points) and Roethlisberger (20).

Hey, don’t laugh. Sussman is 8-1 picking winners in the playoffs using this formula. The only time it didn’t work was in Patriots-Jaguars game, in which Team Brady (11) beat Team Leftwich (19), 28-3. (The Scrabble System was no help in the Redskins-Bucs matchup, unfortunately, because Brunell and Simms tied with nine points each.)

“If I’m wrong [about the Super Bowl],” Sussman says philosophically, “I can go back to averaging 50 hits a day [on his Web site].”

• • •

In January, the Scrabble-brained blogger picked the NFL’s All-Triple Word Score Team. There was one Redskin on it: Brian Kozlowski (29 points).

• • •

You don’t suppose Peter Angelos was going by the Scrabble System when he hired Lee Mazzilli (31 points) and then Sam Perlozzo (also 31) to manage the Orioles …

• • •

Seahawks quarterbacks coach Jim Zorn, reminiscing about the early days of the franchise (when he was the QB): “As far as follies go — and these were really good follies, if you will — we have a whole reel of fake field goals [in the team’s film archive]. We’ve got fake punts. We’ve got some trick plays. We weren’t able to compete toe to toe with some people at all positions, so we used smoke and mirrors. The plays actually worked. If you look at the reel of our fake field goals, 90 percent of them were successful.”

• • •

Something tells me Seattle is going to try a fake field goal today, just for old time’s sake. Too bad Zorn can’t be the holder like he was in the ‘70s.

• • •

A line I never got to write this week:

Jerome Bettis puts the XL in Super Bowl XL.

• • •

Coming back from a Seahawks press conference the other day, my bus drove past a famous Detroit attraction — the gigantic Uniroyal tire on I-94. According to the company literature, it “debuted at the New York World’s Fair in 1964 as a working Ferris wheel.” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s so big, Mark Brunell could throw a ball through it.

• • •

The Broncos ticket office, I hear, is already planning a sales campaign in the event the team signs Terrell Owens. Slogan: Attitude at Altitude.

• • •

So I’m running on the treadmill Friday night, watching the original TV broadcast of the 1951 Sugar Ray Robinson-Jake LaMotta middleweight championship fight on ESPN Classic, and I’m thinking:

Can you believe nobody has a copy of the Super Bowl I broadcast from January 1967? Not hanging on to that thing has to be one of the worst decisions in the history of television sports, worse than “Battle of the Network Stars.”

• • •

Memo to Donovan McNabb: If you really want to see a black-on-black crime, check out the black jersey/black pants combination the Jags wear on special occasions.

• • •

Let’s hope Texas A&M; doesn’t prevail over the Seahawks in this “12th Man” controversy. Because then the school will probably go after Utah State, New Mexico State, UC Davis, North Carolina A&T;, Cameron University and Delaware Valley College — for having the temerity to call themselves the Aggies.

• • •

Just wondering: What’s next, Orson Welles’ estate suing the NHL for using the expression “third man in”?

• • •

Twelfth Man, Sixth Man, Third Man, Juwanna Mann — who cares, really?

• • •

Speaking of A&M;, coach Dennis Franchione couldn’t have been real thrilled to see this quote in the Midland (Texas) Reporter-Telegram from recruit Terrence McCoy, whose brother Jamie already plays for the Aggies:

“They take care of you down there [in College Station]. I know from my brother they keep your pockets full, give you plenty of money, keep feeding you meals. Besides that all the help they give you with football. They keep you on your grades with private tutoring. Just good all-around.”

• • •

In other college news, the University of New Hampshire dropped four sports for lack of funding — and it might not end there. “If our urgent call for increased private support goes unanswered,” athletic director Marty Scarano said, “I’ll be standing before you three years from now announcing more cuts.”

I can see it now: the George O’Leary Football Scholarship.

• • •

Did you read about Bode Miller and other U.S. skiers using something called the “Ongley Solution” to recover from injuries? This isn’t to be confused with the “Longley Solution,” which is what the Cowboys resorted to on Thanksgiving Day 1976 to recover from a 16-3 deficit against the Redskins.

• • •

Josh Smith will defend his title against Andre Iguodala, Nate Robinson and Hakim Warrick in the NBA’s Slam Dunk contest this year. The winner will get $35,000, the runner-up will get $22,500, the third-place finisher will get $16,125 and the last-place finisher will get fallen arches.

• • •

If ESPN moves “Quite Frankly” to any later in the evening, it’ll cross the International Date Line.

• • •

And finally …

A survey by Golf Digest and Golf for Women found that 32 percent of men and 31 percent of women would forgo sex for a year in exchange for a tee time at Augusta National Golf Club.

And get this: 98.7 percent of the men said they would give up sex for a year if the woman involved was Martha Burke.

Sign up for Daily Newsletters

Manage Newsletters

Copyright © 2020 The Washington Times, LLC. Click here for reprint permission.

Please read our comment policy before commenting.

 

Click to Read More and View Comments

Click to Hide