TOM KNOTT: Name change certainly is not by the numbers

Chad Johnson should have changed his surname to Look At Me.

There would have been truth in advertising then, and it would have been easier to pronounce.

At least he kept the Chad.

“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” Johnson told the Bengals’ Web site.

No NFL player ever has changed his name to Pain In The Rear either, although plenty fit the bill.

Johnson is from the new school of hype over substance, of all publicity being good publicity, so long as the name is spelled correctly.

That could be a problem with the newly dubbed Chad Javon Ocho Cinco.

That is Mr. Ocho Cinco to all junk-mail purveyors.

Bengals coach Marvin Lewis once referred to Johnson as Ocho Psycho, which was an interesting play on the surname the wide receiver legally embraced last week.

The Ocho and Cinco complement his attention-getting personality, with Ocho being eight and Cinco five in Spanish, which happen to be the two digits on Johnson’s jersey.

There could be a run on Ocho Cinco jerseys now, plus a money-back clamor from those stuck with the Johnson jersey. It is bad enough that middle-aged fans with pot bellies sometimes wear the jersey of a player who has been traded or released. Now Ocho Cinco possibly has awakened NFL players to a fad that could energize the jersey marketplace.

What if Jason Campbell decides to legally change his name to Jason Uno Siete?

It certainly would be different to hear Sonny Jurgensen note how Uno Siete made a perfectly good read of the defensive coverage.

Even Dennis Rodman, the publicity hound who was apt to change hair colors several times a day in an attempt to be noticed, failed to employ this marketing ploy.

The player formerly known as Johnson is following the recent American trend to come up with catchy names, anything but John or Mary.

Two years ago, a Mississippi couple named their son ESPN Montana, the former after the network that gave us televised poker and the latter after retired quarterback Joe Montana.

The couple’s last name is Real and undoubtedly missed the memo on keeping it real.

The Reals actually were not the first parents to name their child ESPN.

An Internet search revealed there are two children named ESPN in Texas and one in Michigan.

You could argue it beats naming your child C-Span.

Or Wind or Rain.

Johnson brings to two the number of NFL players with a change in identity after Pacman Jones requested that news outlets address him as Adam.

Hollywood types are especially creative in naming their offspring.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes named their daughter Suri, which translates into “Princess” in Hebrew. Frank Zappa named his daughter Moon Unit, and Gwyneth Paltrow decided Apple was a better name for her daughter than Banana.

David Bowie named his son Zowie Bowie. Now the son goes by Duncan Zowie Hayward Jones.

Jason Lee and ex-fiancee Beth Riesgraf named their son Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee, which translates into you have to be kidding.

It probably is preferable to be named Ocho Cinco than Pilot Inspektor if forced to choose between bad and worse.

“Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do?” Ocho Cinco said. “I’m having fun.”

So wide receivers just want to have fun, not unlike Cyndi Lauper’s girls.

The depth of Ocho Cinco’s fun is debatable after he spent the offseason demanding to be traded. That square-off with the Bengals’ management did not go in his favor. He then dislocated his left shoulder in the second preseason game but is expected to play against the Ravens in the season opener.

If that is Ocho Cinco’s definition of fun, he can have it.

The Bengals have made no comment on the name change.

The change to Ocho Cinco speaks for itself.