Dear Ms. Vicki,
I have been living an absolute nightmare. My father was released from prison two years ago. He came to live with me and my family on base, and we began to slowly rekindle our relationship. We were estranged from each other for years before he went to prison, but while he was in prison, I visited him often and became a part of his release plan.
I knew he needed a place to stay upon his release, and I discussed it with my husband, who finally agreed my father could stay with us for a limited time. This was only until he found a job, got on his feet financially and found a place to live.
My nosey neighbors kept asking my dad questions, even though he tried to stay to himself. He almost had to live in the house with no sunshine just because we wanted to avoid people being so judgmental of him. Every time my neighbors had a chance to accost him, they would.
Slowly, word started getting back to me and my husband, who is in the Army, that my dad was strange. People would stare at him. Much to my dismay, my neighbors did an Internet search and found out he was a released sex offender. My husband was called to his commander’s office and was told my dad has to leave post immediately.
Ms. Vicki, my father and I were estranged for years because he sexually molested my sisters when they were young. I can’t say he molested me even though family has tried to convince me he did. I only want my dad to have a second chance at a good life with my help. I’m not afraid of him, and I am not afraid he will do something to my children or anyone else’s children.
It’s nobody’s business what my dad did in his past. If I’ve forgiven him, then why can’t people stay out of our business? My husband is a good man, too. He’s served his country with valor, and he deserves better than other people poking in our business.
Sex offenders have to live somewhere. What are they supposed to do, get shipped off to an island away from society? We may have to leave the base housing, but my neighbors have not heard the last of this. I will make sure they still will have to look in my face. — A Second Chance
Dear Second Chance,
This is your father, and I can respect that you chose to forgive him and are trying to have a relationship with him. However, your neighbors have a choice in this matter, too.
From your report, they were being nosey and were poking their nose in your household business. You also say there were rumors that your father was behaving strangely? I’m not sure how or what your father was doing to raise their brows, but your neighbors are entitled to protest living in a neighborhood with a pedophile. To be honest, I didn’t know he could live in base housing either.
From my professional standpoint, the treatment outcomes for a pedophile are very low. When a pedophile is released from a treatment program, the chances are high he or she will offend against children again. Children are helpless and powerless, and they need and deserve our protection. Personally and professionally, I wish you would not allow your father in your home with your children. I don’t trust what he would do given the chance. If it were just you and your husband, I would say you are adults and can protect yourselves. Children cannot. This is a consequence your father will have to deal with because of his actions.
While I am not a believer in the repressed memory theory, I am recommending that you speak to a professional therapist or counselor. You report that your father did not molest you, but it still would be to your advantage to speak to a professional, if only for support.
Contact Military OneSource and you will be connected to a provider in your community. Service members and their families are now authorized to have 12 free sessions instead of six. Take care of yourself and stay in touch.
• Vicki Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker, military spouse and mother of three. Her column runs in The Washington Times on Thursdays and Sundays. Contact her at dearmsvicki@yahoo.com.
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