- The Washington Times - Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

I’m facing one of the most difficult decisions of my life. No, not whether I should take back my boyfriend, Chris Brown, who’s accused of abusing me. I’m wondering whether I should cooperate with the police, who are investigating.

I know most people think I shouldn’t reconcile with the guy. But I truly love him. And he got me diamond jewelry and an iPod Touch for my 21st birthday. I think everyone deserves a second chance. (That would make a great song for my next album, huh?) Every time I see that post-drama picture of myself on TMZ, though, I wonder. Should I make him pay, in a non-monetary way, for what he did to me? Or should I just accept my gifts and move on?

- Rihanna

Dear Rihanna,

Reconciliation should be accompanied by justice, otherwise it will not last. While we all hope for peace it shouldn’t be peace at any cost but peace based on principle, on justice.

- Corazon Aquino

We thought this past weekend would be one of the best of our lives. Every motion picture prognosticator in the country said our first theatrical film would top the box office. Instead, this wholesome, home-schooled trio was beat out by a guy in drag. I don’t think any of us had even heard of Tyler Perry before we saw his name above ours on the top 10 list. Now we’re not sure what our next career move should be. Keep in mind that we date singers and actresses, so we need to make Miley Cyrus-size salaries.

- The Jonas Brothers

Dear Kevin, Joe and Nick,

Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs.

- William Howard Stein

I am one of the best-known women in the world, on par with, say, Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart. So I decided to see if I could build a multimillion-dollar empire like they have.

I have a lot of time on my hands. Since the birth of my two children, I’ve been reticent to do much acting, as it takes me far away from my London home. I discovered that I can sit at my computer and dispense advice on shopping, cooking, reading - just about anything, really - to my adoring fans, all while keeping an eye on my beautiful children.

I’ve started a Web site and e-mail newsletter; I’ve filmed a couple television shows; and I’m about to help found a gym and write a cookbook. It looks like my fame, as I suspected, could be used to make loads of cash.

All this work, though, has critics sniping. I can’t imagine why. Shouldn’t they be happy to see an actress do more than just look good?

- Gwyneth Paltrow

Dear Gwyneth,

Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.

- Fulton J. Sheen

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