- The Washington Times - Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

I can’t believe I’m asking this, but I need some help. How can I get even more famous?

I thought I already was the best-known teenager in the world. Apparently not. I went into a burger place in New York City the other day, and the guy behind the register actually asked me what name to put on the order. “Are you serious? You don’t recognize me? I’m Miley Cyrus,” I snapped at him. He still didn’t know who I was!

- Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

The highest form of vanity is love of fame.

- George Santayana

I’m not sure I need advice. I got exactly what I wanted, after all - I set out to shock people, and I did. For an entertainer, there’s nothing as good as having your performance at an awards show be the one everybody’s talking about the next day.

Hundreds of people called ABC to complain about my sexually provocative performance at the American Music Awards, and now ABC has canceled my appearance on “Good Morning America.” I wonder if I went too far. I didn’t do anything that plenty of women performers haven’t done - I led a dancer around on a leash, fondled another one, had another stick his head in my crotch, and kissed someone of the same sex.

I’m just trying to be on the edge here - why can’t people understand that in this media-saturated society, a singer like myself has to titillate to get attention?

- Adam Lambert

Dear Adam,

In lieu of creativity, there is an undue emphasis on sexuality.

- Jay Christian Emerte

I’m getting a lot of flak for posing for Playgirl. It’s so unfair - I’m not even completely nude!

Yet my nemesis and the grandmother of my baby, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, went on Oprah and said I was in “porn” now, and totally made fun of me.

It made me feel kind of bad. I’m just trying to make money to take care of my baby, you know? Playgirl offered me a lot of money, so what was I supposed to do? Did I make a tasteless decision?

- Levi Johnston

Dear Levi,

At male strip shows, it is still the women that we watch, the audience of women and their eager faces. They are more obscene than if they were dancing naked themselves.

- Jean Baudrillard

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