- The Washington Times - Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

I‘m shocked - and so is the filmmaking world. I was arrested on my entry to Switzerland to accept a lifetime achievement award. I’ve lived in Europe ever since I fled the United States over 30 years ago after pleading guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. I didn’t like the look of the sentence I was likely to get.

This really is ridiculous. I served 42 days when I was undergoing a psychiatric evaluation at the time. That seems a just punishment for raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old, don’t you think? And I’ve had to work outside of Hollywood - and countries that would extradite me - all this time. I had to make a movie about England that wasn’t filmed in England! That was tough. And I, along with my beautiful French actress wife, have had to live in Paris, not Hollywood. It’s been a trying few decades - even if I did win an Oscar in that time.

What I really don’t get is why I’ve been arrested now. It’s been over three decades. Can we let bygones be bygones at this point?

- Roman Polanski

Dear Roman,

Justice is like a train that is nearly always late.

-Yevgeny Yevtushenko

I did something very difficult for a good reason - but everyone thinks I’ve done it for the wrong ones.

I had a sexual relationship with my famous father for years. It started as rape, but turned consensual. I’ve talked about it in my new book because I want other victims of incest to know they’re not alone - and shouldn’t be ashamed. Yet everyone - including some in my family - are impugning my motives. They think I’m messed up and just want attention. Why must people assume my motives are impure here?

- Mackenzie Phillips

Dear Mackenzie,

Actions are visible, though motives are secret.

- Samuel Johnson

It’s not easy being the brother of a fellow actor, one whose star has always shone brighter. We try to keep up appearances, living the same charmed life. But we don’t have the same charmed finances.

Now it’s catching up with us. We were arrested recently because we didn’t pay the hotel bill at a fancy-dancy ranch resort. We also owe money to a hot Hollywood hotel and never returned a rental car. How do we get out of this one? Randy can’t return to the stage to make some extra cash - he was banned for life by the Actors’ Equity Association after the entire cast of his last play said he abused them.

- Randy and Evi Quaid

Dear Randy and Evi,

Wilt thou seal up the avenues of ill?

Pay every debt as if God wrote the bill.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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