Meeting a potential love interest when you’re sweaty, tired and debating a call with an underpaid referee might not sound like the ideal meet-cute.
But many singles — tired of the Sisyphean swiping of dating apps — are going old school, finding love in recreational sports leagues.
Kirkland Dickson wasn’t looking to date anyone before she ran into one of her fellow coaches at a Washington Capitals-sponsored women’s community hockey event. Literally. The 31-year-old crashed into Kendall Miller, sending the pair careening to the ice, giggling the whole way down.
Well, Ms. Miller was giggling.
“I wasn’t laughing as hard because I hurt my elbow,” Ms. Dickson said. “Kendall fell on me, so they weren’t as hurt.”
Nearly a year later, the couple still loves regaling new and old friends about their meet-cute, like something out of a romantic comedy.
Bryan Weissbach touts a similar heartwarming tale. The veteran of the D.C. Gay Flag Football League started dating his boyfriend when they joined the same team in 2024. It marked the only season that either of them won a championship.
“I say I walked away with two trophies from that season,” he said.
The couples are only anecdotal examples of a growing trend, a throwback to old-school meet-cutes that left a generation of singles disappointed by their options on apps. After a decade-plus of dating apps dominating the “how’d you meet” stories for couples, more low-level athletes are finding love in person through sports.
Dating: A team sport?
For centuries, dating was a team sport in the U.S. and Europe. Parents, co-workers and friends often volunteered to play matchmaker for their single or lovelorn loved ones.
That trend faded with the rise of online dating around the turn of the millennium.
Modern dating presented its own challenges. Endless swiping — to the right for a potential match and to the left for someone who didn’t make the cut — is a gamified process often cited as a cause for dating fatigue.
“Everything felt superficial,” said Sam Murphy, who met his current girlfriend, Courtney Roskosky, through hockey. They played in the same league for years before finally discovering their connection at a teammate’s wedding. “I never felt that spark.”
The process used to be simpler. A single person would see a potential match in public and chat him or her up, creating a de facto first date. Or a mutual friend would pair them, emphasizing to each person why they’re a match for the other.
Everyone needs a wingman. Sometimes, that assist comes from your wide receiver.
Mr. Weissbach said he was too meek to make the first move when he first took an interest in his now boyfriend. A teammate broke the ice for them, using an embarrassing introduction to eliminate the tension.
“What would have been a season of slow build, he just cut right through that. And then it was super awkward,” Mr. Weissbach said with a laugh.
Apps placed that responsibility on a would-be couple, with a variety of pitfalls in between the initial swipe and the promise of a relationship.
First, both parties’ profiles have to be carefully curated, both in the selection of photos and the responses to prompts.
Then they have to be sufficiently charming over text.
That phase is followed by the unnerving first-date planning and process, followed by the hope that a second date is in the cards.
“The speed of dating and the way that we communicate — the fatigue that we’re seeing around dating apps stems predominantly not from the dating app; the real issue I see is that there are now so many extra steps that impede connections,” said Damona Hoffman, a dating coach whose new book, “F the Fairy Tale,” looks to dispel myths surrounding modern relationships.
Those extra steps lead many people, especially women, to download an app, weather a rough experience and promptly delete it.
Those looking for a connection would often end up redownloading the service later. There are only so many ways to meet people.
“I had tried dating apps off and on a few times, classically downloading and then deleting the apps after a month or so of weird experiences and bad dates,” said Ms. Roskosky, Mr. Murphy’s girlfriend. “The dates didn’t result in anything meaningful or real, a lack of finding good men or men that I had things in common with.”
Sports connection
Meeting somebody in real life, especially through a sport, circumvents many of those issues.
“It gathers people around a shared interest and unites them in a common cause. It’s why we love sports as a culture; we love to experience that collective effervescence,” Ms. Hoffman said. “There is its own high that comes from that.”
For Mr. Murphy and Ms. Roskosky, hockey was an icebreaker.
“We instantly had a couple’s activity,” Mr. Murphy said. “It allowed us to connect and see each other in situations and lights that I don’t think couples normally see each other in so early into a relationship.”
The sporty couples dodge the pomp and circumstance that can often accompany dating.
“The adrenaline, the endorphins, the excitement that comes from just being in a game or competition space can be transferred to the people that you are meeting,” Ms. Hoffman said. “You’re going to bring a different level of energy and enthusiasm to the connections that you make in that state.”
It also lets the new couple check each other’s competitive spirit. Seeing a potential partner trading trash talk with another beer leaguer or arguing with a referee could help make or break a connection.
“It’s attractive to see someone excel at something and be confident,” Ms. Dickson said. “Why wouldn’t I find it attractive that my partner is tearing it up out there?”
Before they began co-captaining a team in the Capitals’ women’s hockey league, Ms. Dickson and Ms. Miller would attend each other’s games on different teams early in their courtship.
“Kirkland would come to support and she’d be like, ’Is the a—-hole going to come out?’ She would want that because she thought it was hot,” Ms. Miller said, eliciting blushes from Ms. Dickson.
Treating a recreational sport like it’s the Olympics might be a green flag for Ms. Dickson, but it can be a deal-breaker for someone else. Regardless, Ms. Hoffman notes that the competitive environment can be a helpful stress test early in a relationship.
“You’re at your most authentic self when you’re tired, when you’re taxed, when you’re in a heated situation,” Ms. Hoffman said. “What do they say? ’If you can’t love me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.’ I think that’s probably true.”
Playing sports with a partner guarantees you’ll see him or her sweaty, gassed and full of adrenaline. It lowers the stakes when an athletic connection extends beyond the court, field or rink.
“When Kirk and I met, the first day, there was no thought in my brain of falling in love with her. It was nice to get to know her, and there was no pressure,” Ms. Miller said. “Like, ’Do I say the right things? What do I wear for the first date?’ All of this stuff.”
The sporting couples also avoid one of the most dreaded facets of modern dating: ghosting. The term refers to a phenomenon when a person, typically after an in-person date or two, stops responding to the match without an explanation or goodbye.
That’s less of a concern when you share a team or league with a match.
“As Sam would put it, he ’didn’t want to have to find a new hockey team if it didn’t work out,’” Ms. Roskosky said.
Hallmark romance
Luckily for Mr. Weissbach, Ms. Roskosky, Ms. Miller and Ms. Dickson, their promising beginnings for their relationships panned out.
The butterflies of a fresh relationship can fade over time. First date stories blend together, and many couples in their 20s and 30s spend wedding receptions explaining which app they met their new spouse on.
That isn’t a problem for couples like Ms. Dickson and Ms. Miller.
“I love our little story,” Ms. Miller said. “Every time we tell someone, they’re like, ’It’s literally a Hallmark movie, or some cheesy Netflix movie,’ like us crashing into each other. I love it.”
The happy couples who spoke with The Washington Times said they didn’t join leagues with an express goal of chatting up other singles. They’re happy it panned out that way, though. Managing to find love without needing to spend too much time swiping through an app was an added bonus.
“I do feel that it will always be something we can do together,” Mr. Murphy said. “And it has given us a hell of a good story when someone asks, ’So, tell us how you two met.’”
“Of all the ways to meet your person, sometimes we just look at each other and say, ’F—-ing hockey,’” Ms. Roskosky said.
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